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Showing posts from March, 2015

A Day with the Love

As I think I have conveyed, I'd been floundering in a thickening fog for months now. I don't think I can convey just how deadening that fog has been, or what a struggle it has been for Eva to reach me through it.
I don't lift the veil on our home life often on this blog, and I'm not going to lift it much here. But I do think it's important, now that the fog is lifting, to give you just a glimpse of what my wife has endured. I've spoken in generalities about depression and not being myself. I haven't offered details. They're not flattering.   I'm not sure what has been hardest for Eva to deal with. Over the sixteen or so years we have been together, she has always softened my rough edges, confronted my worst behaviours, and generally allowed me to create the next greatest version of the grandest vision ever I had about who I am, in Neale Donald Walsch's memorable phrasing.    Rarely has she ever been anything other than gentle. But then until rec…

The Light At The End

THIS ONE WILL GO LONG. Kind of like the last forever and an age for me. Some of this you will have heard before. That, too, is intentional. I have been on a mental treadmill for the better part of a year, and for a while there it looked as if it was a treadmill to nowhere. I am happy to report that is not the case.
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There is nothing more demoralizing than losing a job. Unless it's trying to find another.
Very few people make it through their lives with only one employer anymore, so it's fair to say that my readers have lived this experience. If you're good and lucky, or lucky and good, your unemployment period is measured in days: headhunters employ job nets and honcho harpoons to snag you from one job into another. Eva still gets inquiries from headhunters, more than thirty months after she left a toxic (but high-powered) environment for a very good one.

If you are unlucky, or ungood...

The day before I was laid off -- ask my wife, this is true --…

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Where To Put A Brothel Ad In Your Stadium
Sometimes I feel like an idiot.
Well, most of the time, I feel like an idiot, actually. But sometimes it's actually painful. 
Anyone who knows me knows my eyes don't work very well. My depth perception is crap, and it gets worse with fatigue. Throw something at me that I'm not expecting and I will  miss it, to great comic effect...because there is a disconnect between how the world appears to me and how it actually is. If I don't think fast and correct for visual distortion, the set of keys jing-jing-jangling their way across the space from you to me are apt to hit me in the head or sail on by. Where the more athletic of you will snatch something out of the air, I favour clumsy basket catches. 
It's something that originated from being born premature, and spending a goodish chunk of time in an incubator. I should have stopped off at the Glasses Emporium on the way out of the womb, but instead I did untold more damage to my…

Testing Relationship Strength: Ken's COSMO Quiz

Note to readers: I promised to refrain from more than one "poly" post a month. This post, while it does have poly content, is primarily about relationships in general. If you would like to skip the poly stuff, just look for the break and start reading there. --Ken


The Aztecs had a goddess named Tlazolteotl who was, quite literally, a shit-eater. Figuratively, what she swallowed was sin, often but not always sexual. Each man and woman would appeal to Tlazolteotl, often on their deathbed, and thus be ritualistically purified as his or her lifetime's worth of sin was swallowed.

I think of myself as a stress-eater. Friends and loved ones have been coming to me for a quarter of a century now with all manner of problems: personal, professional, you name it. I can't always solve them, but I do try to leave everybody just a bit better than I found them...and my capacity for the stress of others seems to be virtually unlimited. I appreciate beyond words the faith and trust th…

The Illusion of Security and the Security of Illusion

All my life I have striven for security.

We all do, of course: rare is the human being who truly thrives in an uncertain world. That's a big reason why, I believe, politics has become so polarized...because our world is becoming more and more uncertain by the day and we seek refuge in our in-groups and hurl scorn and opprobrium on all who dare oppose us. It's comfortable, being accepted in a shared reality. Dangerous--no matter what that shared reality may be--but comfortable all the same. It's much easier to reject others' beliefs rather than question our own. If you're not secure in your beliefs, well...what's left?

We all strive for security. But I'm a little more neurotic about it than most.

Every life event has only reinforced this insatiable appetite for stability, dating back before memory. My fragility at birth (second born of twins; my brother died almost immediately, and I was touch-and-go for a while); my parents divorcing when I was five; consta…

Open Hearts, Relationship Escalators, and Refuting Entropy

all credit Kimchi Cuddles

I feel like writing another of these blogs, and it occurred to me that I never really explained why I am this way, what essential quality it is I have that makes me poly. I've talked about how I acted poly as far back as grade three, but never...why.


Kimchi Cuddles, above, explains it for me. I have an open heart. I always have had, and at this point I can state with near-certainty that I always will. Listening, feeling, and loving come natural to me, as natural as breathing.  It's my own relationship escalator, in that I can't take the first step (listening) for very long without being carried through the second (feeling) and into the third (loving). I have to be very, very careful with this. As inevitable as it is, for me, it's not inevitable for very many people. They have their own, much more heavily travelled, relationship escalator.

"Relationship escalator" is one of those cultural impositions  most people live through, and ne…

Living In Fear

From the Conservative Party of Canada's Facebook timeline:

Text at bottom: "Jihadi terrorists are threatening Canada -- we need to give our police and security forces the tools they need to protect us from the threat of terrorism. Add your name if you agree"

I didn't add my name. I don't agree.

This Facebook stunt was so egregious that even several Conservative MPs have spoken out against it. They still have their jobs, for now, but they better watch it. Dear Leader doesn't take too kindly to criticism.

cartoon by Bruce MacKinnon
When reporters asked MP Peter Mackay what the government's working definition of "terrorism" was, he told them to look it up.
Here's the bill itself.  Outside of the title, The Anti-Terrorism Act, the word "terrorism" DOES NOT APPEAR in this bill.  That seems rather odd to me...but then again, this is the same government that reduced the number of environmentally protected waterways in Canada from 2.4 milli…

Why Are People So Disgusting?

WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS BATHROOM HUMOUR. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT THIS TOPIC, YOU BEST, UH, SCAT.

This morning, on my daily Reddit-crawl, I came across this hypothetical question:

"What would happen if we no longer segregated our public bathrooms by gender?"

It brought back a slew of memories. Some of those memories made off with my appetite.

The men's -- no, ladies'-- restroom at MacGuire's Irish Pub, Destin, FL

I actually have a little bit of experience with non-segregated public bathrooms. An old girlfriend went to Humber College, and some of their dorm floors were co-ed. There was one bathroom with attached shower room per floor, and men were instructed to hang a "MALE PRESENT" hall-pass type-thing on the shower room door as necessary. The girls took great pleasure in drawing elaborate genitalia, bringing a whole new meaning to "stick-figure".
This was 1990. I'm pleasantly surprised to find they have the same system today…

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My customer service skills have been nationally recognized.

So has my merchandising ability.

I have won two provincial sales contests, led a team to a 39% departmental sales increase, year over year, and served as an in-store trainer for a successful system conversion.

I've coached and mentored developmentally challenged students, letting them discover potential within themselves that neither they nor their teachers had suspected.  I'm proud of that.

I'm proud of all of that.

It sounds like resume gobbledygook, but I really am a leader and a team player; an exceptional communicator, a hands-on supervisor with a can-do attitude. I've proven myself at every facet of retail. I chase success and success follows me.

I care.

When I was laid off from my last position, I think it's fair to say I was far from the only one shocked.  It was, I was told, a purely business decision, and I can at least comprehend that: I was the most junior full-time employee in the store making…

Blind Spots

What are the facts? Again and again and again – what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what “the stars foretell,” avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable “verdict of history” – what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!”
--Robert Heinlein
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It is often said by people of a leftist persuasion that the other side are dogmatic, unthinking idiots who believe on faith and refuse to accept science, reason, logic, Oxford commas or reality.

Strangely enough, it is said at least as often by those of a rightist persuasion that we left-wingers are dogmatic unthinking idiots who believe on faith and refuse to accept science, reason, logic,  Oxford commas or reality.

Both persuasions are...persuasive. We just seem to pick different causes in which to place our firm non-belief despite the weight of science, reason, logic, and re…

Going Moldy....

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