The Breadbin

Sometimes I think my dad is right: I overshare.

I over-everything, really. Always have.
I'm getting better at curtailing the knee-jerk overreaction I used to be famous for (Breadner trait, that)...but the impulse to jerk that knee is still there. Something hurtful happens on Facebook? Let's think about deactivating the Facebook account for a while. 
I find it interesting, in a darkly amusing sort of way, that I don't ever think of just not posting to Facebook for a day, or a week, or what have you. I have several friends who post to their Facebook accounts once a month or so, and as much as I realize that's the healthy way of using the site...I can't seem to do it. I'll resolve that this will be my one post for today, this really sad song that sums up my current emotional state extremely well...and half an hour later I'll see something online that makes me think of someone, and wouldn't she like to see this? I think I need to share this with him. 
I ove…

Eva is a beautiful woman.

There are many beautiful women, of course. But right now I'd like to talk about the one I married.

After seventeen and a half years of knowing her, there are STILL days when she doesn't think she is beautiful. On those days, my protests that she is are brushed aside effortlessly: "you're biased", or, only slightly better, "I'm glad you think so". (At least that second one acknowledges I'm not making the statement up out of thin air.)

Thin, that's part of the problem, of course. Eva is no longer Eva-squared, but there are days when she still thinks she is. And even if it's not one of those days, the slappy flaps of loose skin that are the remnant of having dropped close to two hundred pounds...she thinks those are ugly, and since she has those, SHE must be ugly as well.  (Me, I think they're awesome. Eva can clap things other people can't clap. If she really wanted to, she could be a one-woman percussion …

A man once told the Buddha,
"I want happiness."  
The Buddha replied,
"First, remove I, that is ego.
Then, remove want, that is desire.
And all you are left with is 
happiness."

--unknown (NOT an actual Buddhist teaching), but still...wow

________________________ 

Google scares me sometimes.

Okay, often.

Its auto-complete function routinely seems JUST this side of telepathy. No matter how outlandish my query, somebody has inevitably searched for it before, and Google will guess with uncanny speed and accuracy that yes, I am looking for Episcopalian axe murderers or watermelon-flavoured sex lube.

Until, of course, you ask Google to retrieve you something relevant to polyamory.

You have to get all but the last letter of 'metamour' into Google before it'll auto-complete, and when it does, one of the options is "metamouse" (??? ... I think I'll steal that if someone in my polycule is a tiptoer.)

Eva and Mark are celebrating their second anniversary to…

PREFACE
Since the last Canadian election, when the politics of unity and  hope won out over those of division and fear, I have been taking what for me counts as a news and politics sabbatical.

I still pay a little attention to what's going on in the world, because I live here. And Donald Trump is so ratshit insane that you can't help paying attention to him: at any point he's prone to the verbal equivalent of playing with piranhas in his bathtub while masturbating, farting Yankee Doodle and biting at the bubbles,   and I defy you not to look at that, much as you hate to even think of it.  
But for the most part I've been disinclined to engage the world on its time and terms, preferring instead to concentrate on deepening old personal connections and forging new ones. 
Sometimes the world drags you back. And when it does, it never seems to be because goodness and light have broken out. 
Halfway through lunch on Friday -- for those of you who don't know my stupid wo…

Love is the doctrine of this church,
The quest for truth is its sacrament,
And service its prayer.
To dwell together in peace,
To seek knowledge in freedom,
To serve humanity in harmony with the earth,
Thus do we covenant together.
--Unitarian Universalist affirmation

Ten years ago (!), I mused about going to church.

Today I actually went.

That's how slowly things move in my world sometimes. Acutely uncomfortable in crowds of strangers, marked as "different" and "other" my whole life long (often for arbitrary reasons that were not always obvious, or even explained)... musing about leaving the safe space of home is always much easier than actually doing it.  Especially alone.

Today I actually went...alone.

Eva had to work. I so wish she could have experienced this with me: shared joy is increased, after all. I'm going to write out my experiences and impressions here since I wasn't able to share them at the time...and because that was unlike ANY church service I…