Well, we're off. Any predictions on a medal count for Canada? In Sydney we got 14. I can only hope we'll better that this time around.
I'm more of a Winter Games fan, myself...watching cycling and synchronized swimming only serves to remind me I have zits to pick. But the gymnastics can be cool, and so can the diving...and hell, I'll watch men's coxless fours paint drying if there could be a medal in it for Canada.
Maxim magazine, in its April edition, ran an Olympic preview. Of course, being Maxim and being April, about half the articles were elaborately staged practical jokes. But you didn't know *which* half, and since ballroom dancing and synchronized swimming are legitimate Olympic events these days, it didn't faze me in the slightest when I found myself reading about the American tag team's prospects in Athens. That's 'tag', as in "you're it!"
Now part of me was wondering if this was real. But only part. Consider: tag raised to Olympian proportions would be a perfect mix of speed and agility. I'd watch it.
Yup, the Olympics are here. Once every two years I turn into a television junkie for two weeks. And as such, I have a few comments to make on the quality of Olympic coverage. Generally speaking, it sucks Thorpedo's (undoubtedly hairless) ball sack.
AMERICAN COVERAGE:
I just saw a replay of a comedian at Just For Laughs, probably circa 1992 or thereabouts. He was talking about his first time viewing CBC's Olympic coverage after being a slave to NBC for years. He said he was amazed to find out 'that the other countries stick around for the events!"
Pithy. And so totally true. American coverage reflects Americans' legendary ignorance of anything *not* American. It gets downright annoying right quick.And two words for Bob Costas and Katie Couric: SHUT UP! They blabbered throughout the Opening Ceremonies, they blabber throughout events, Bob, Katie, you win the gold medal for co-ed pairs blabbering, okay? Now get the hell off my screen.
CANADIAN COVERAGE: Well, we've solved the single-team bias, by virtue of generally not *having* any Canadians to talk about once they've tripped, fallen, or otherwise snookered themselves out of the first round of whatever event they're in. But they set 'personal bests' in the process, so let's all be proud we live in a country that thinks athletic training costs ZERO DOLLARS!
The CBC is annoying for entirely different reasons. One different reason is Brian "THE TIME IS....SEVEN MINUTES PAST THE HOUR!" Williams. Brian, a little memo for you: my television has a clock built-in. So does my digital cable box. My old VCR had one; I could be wearing a watch; I could even look outside and guess the time by the position of the sun. I don't need to know what time it is in Athens or in Waterloo. Okay? Okay.
And to the mavens at the CBC: I do not want to watch ONE floor routine in gymnastics, followed by ONE half-inning of baseball, followed by ONE lap of cycling, followed by ONE set of beach volleyball. I know that any child showing signs of being a child nowadays is diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, but I am an adult and I prefer my sports in sensible chunks. Pick a sport (your ratings book or a general poll will tell you which ones are popular) and follow it. Show the 100m staring contest in the breaks. And speaking of breaks, must there be a commercial every ninety seconds? You're a public broadcaster...you shouldn't even need commercials in the first place!
---------------------------------------------
The idea of an 'Olympic Truce' is inspiring, to say the least. But it really makes you wonder about human priorities in the world. Let's stop killing each other because a bunch of people are off throwing javelins somewhere, okay? Not because killing each other is wrong, hell no, as soon as this damn sporting break is over we'll get right back to the murder and mayhem! Wouldn't it be cool if Jacques Rogge told everyone at the Closing Ceremonies, "Surprise! We're not gonna end these Games! The Olympic Truce is going to go on for *years*!"?
To the athletes in Athens: congratulations and best of luck. The world is watching and saluting you. To the Canadian government officials in Athens, get the hell home and stop wasting taxpayer dollars. We know, you're four-time world champion Liberal profligates, but enough is enough.
The time is NINE FIFTEEN P.M., Eastern Daylight Savings Time, and this is Ken Breadner, signing off.
No comments:
Post a Comment