A door-to-door salesman came calling, and a ten-year-old boy answered the door.
"Hello, lad. Is your mother home?"
"Naw. She ain't here."
"Oh, then how about your father?"
"Ma 'n him went somewheres."
"Dear boy," the salesman said, "where's your grammar?"
"Oh, she's in the kitchen bakin' cookies."

I'm currently reading Eats, Shoots and Leaves, which is--wait for it!--an engrossing and comical dissertation on punctuation. It appeals to my Inner Grammar Demon.
Now, many of you may be able to look at a sign that says "Book's, Video's, DVD's Sold Here" without wincing. I have always equated language with music and to me, that sign actually causes pain...a pain analagous to that I feel when I hear a note that's jarringly out of tune.
The author of Eats, Shoots and Leaves--which is a phenomenal bestseller, incidentally--says that we Grammar People have a 'seventh sense'...instead of seeing dead people, we see dead punctuation. She's right. I see it everywhere and I often feel powerless to do anything about it.
Apostophes. They're absent when they should be present, present when they should be absent. Nobody seems to remember what they're for. Every week, somebody in our Produce Department concocts a sign that says something like "Broccoli's, 47 cent's each". Not knowing how stupid that looks, they'll place the sign in full view. And I'll take it down and correct it, because while I know that 89 people out of every hundred won't notice the error, and five of the remainder will notice but won't care...I just can't stand the thought that six people will think I'm an illiterate imbecile.
Uh, Ken? You're being just a bit of a snob, here.
Perhaps so. Forgive me, please. It is very easy to forget that teachers these days have no idea about the difference between its and it's, you're and your, they're and their. How can I expect their students to understand?
Well, sadly, I don't, not anymore. I continually fight this war of attrition against grammar laissez-faire even though I recognize I'm losing. Badly.
Hollywood's in on the act, too. Ever see Two Weeks [sic] Notice? Did you see that title and wonder where the apostrophe went? It's A.W.O.L. from its place after the 's'. I was so grateful to see it used as an example in this book...I thought I was alone in the world.
This 'sticklerism' has been with me a long time. I used to bitch about Sinead O'Connor's hit "Nothing Compares 2 U" and I still rant about Avril Lavigne's "Sk8er Boi". C'mon, damn it, spell it right. You do speak (and sing in) English, right?
But things have gotten ever so much worse. The world of hip-hop has corrupted the languagealmos beyond recognition. I often wonder if that's why so few hip-hoppers and rappers use their real names. Are they afraid the Grammar Police will find them? No, alas, they're worried about the real police. The Grammar Police exist only in my febrile imagination.
Now people will tell me that the language is simply changing and I should go with the flow. Unfortunately the flow is swirling around a drain, there's clots of stained paper nearby, and the sound of flushing pervades the air.
Every company I have worked for seems to run on memos. And many of those memos are jammed full of typos, grammatical errors, and just plain clunky language. I wish I could get a job as an editor for Sobey's. I'd change a dime for each correction and I bet I'd earn more than my present salary.
Language is how we communicate. How we communicate says much about who we are. I've often been told I am not responsible for how clearly my messages are received, but only for how clearly they are sent. Correct punctuation and grammar are but two paths to clarity. I'd like to walk these paths in company. Please?