Where Great Shopping Lives

VAUGHAN MILLS--All it needs is a foot transplant centre somewhere near Entry 5.
To be fair, this mall has gone further than most to be tender on shoppers' tootsies: there's cushioning, and sometimes outright carpeting, under your toes. Still, by the time you've circumnavigated this mallworld, your feet will be feeling it, guaranteed.
I've always enjoyed walking malls...the big ones, anyway. Sure, many people will tell you they're all the same, that a mall is just a mall, but I don't agree. Every good-sized shopping center has stores, services, and little touches of decor that make it stand out. And any decent-sized mall is a welcome treat for this denizen of northern Waterloo region. They don't know from shopping centers in this city.
When I first heard about the opening of Vaughan Mills, billed as the largest mall in Ontario, I was, predictably, intrigued. Of course, I couldn't just rush out to inspect the place. It's just over an hour from here, for one thing. For another, I hate crowds. So I settled down to wait out the Christmas shopping season.
It's March now. Close thing, but I think Christmas is over until at least the second of September.

As you exit the 400 at Bass Pro Mills Drive, the sheer size of this 1.2 million square foot behemoth rises up and bitch-slaps you a few times. It's beyond huge. Getting a parking spot was relatively easy, as we arrived just fifteen minutes after opening, but plan for a hefty hike if you get here in the afternoon.

Vaughan Mills is impossible to get lost in. It's shaped like the world's longest cigar, and it's organized into "neighbourhoods"--numbered 1 through 6--each of which has an entirely different decor. As I said above, there's actual carpeting in one area.
The tone ranges from middle class up to "God would have to save up for a century or two just to LOOK in here" . They hid the lone dollar store off at an end so that the third-class citizens wouldn't have to infect the rest of the shoppers. Otherwise, the only thing lacking here seems to be an apparel store for plus-sized women...an inexcusable oversight in a place this big. Mind you, there aren't that many places anywhere for plus-sized women to shop for clothing in comfort...an inexcusable oversight for a society this obese.
Here, let me step down off my soapbox.
One store that did make an immediate and eye-popping impression was the Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World. The mall directory designates this place as store A1, and brother, they're not kidding. There's a 24,000 gallon fish tank, fully stocked with bass, trout, salmon, muskie, and--well, that's all I could identify, but there were others. Two guys were giving a fishing demonstration when we entered, casting down into the tank again and again and pulling up fish just as fast, leading me to reflect that fish must be the world's dumbest class of beings. Hey, LOOK! FOOD! *chomp* *yank* *gasp gasp gasp* *splash* *whew!* Hey, LOOK! FOOD!"
If you use it outside, it's here in this store. My dad needs to come down here, right quick.
Other highlights: there's a huge piano outlet in here! Okay, I forgot, you're not me. Well, there's the cheapest place on the planet to buy board games; the world's largest Tommy Hilfiger outlet (you'd have to pay me to go in, but as I said, you're not me, right?) There are hat stores, sock stores, a Ben and Jerry's kiosk, and a Rocky Mountain chocolate outlet.
Vaughan Mills: It's a great place to spend a few--or a few thousand--bucks. Y'oughta see it.