Long, long ago, in a place a little more than two miles away, I attended university. After first year, of course, I attended the computer labs a great deal more than I did any of my classes. I probably should have majored in Computer Science; I doubt the professors read textbooks at you in those classes. Not to mention I could be working for Research In Motion along about now, rather than stocking shelves.
Ah, well, it was fun while it lasted.
One of the things I spent an inordinate amount of time doing was collecting "taglines": short, pithy sayings about anything and everything. At one point I had over a thousand of them, and I had written a little program that randomly appended one to any of my posts or emails.
I've just discovered that somebody, somewhere thought my tagline collection (an early version thereof) interesting enough to preserve. Ya gotta love the Internet: for trips down memory lane, it can't be beat.
Some of these are definitely of the "you had to be there" variety. Others are funny only to computer geeks. A few of them are actually orginal to me. I found myself chuckling in recognition and delight more than once. So, I hope will you. Without further ado, Ken's Reliquary of Ancient Taglines:
"Beam me aboard, Scotty!" [-] "Will a 2 X 4 do, Captain?"
"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"
"Artist seeks Boss with vision impairment."
"Happiness is a warm puppy", said the anaconda."
Nietzsche is dead." --God.
[-------- The information went data way --------]
[tap] [tap] [tap] Is this thing on?
2 rules to success in life. 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
90% of everything is crud. The remainder is outright shit.
A hangover: the wrath of grapes.
A Shower is the halfway point between Bed and World.
A good pun is its own reword.
A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act them out.
A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
A)bort R)etry I)nfluence with large hammer.
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
Absence makes the heart grow fungus. (The Barenaked Ladies)
After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.
After all is said and done, usually more is said.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry up is not nailed down.
Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner.
Best diet: Eat as much as you want, but don't swallow it.
Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth.
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways.
California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed, in the dictionary.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Does Time pass? Yes, it does. How else can you explain Visa bills?
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't you hate it when life doesn't follow the manuals?
Don't judge a book by its mini-series.
Down with categorical imperatives.
Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now everywhere.
Earth was interesting, and worth the money I paid for it.
Eleven tons of hair stolen. Police combing area.
God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
I know I have a purpose because I always seem to need deodorant.
I went to the Net and all I got was this stupid tagline.
I hate laundry month.
I do a lot of thinking in the john. Says a lot for my thoughts.
If laws were outlawed, only outlaws would be lawyers.
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
Love: the word that paints a thousand pictures.
Most of us hate to see a poor loser. Rich winners, though, are worse.
Mr. Bullfrog sez: Time is fun when you're having flies.
Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
My opinions are not those of my ex-employer.
My other tagline is a footnote.
My Go this amn keyboar oesn't have any 's.
My computer NEVER cras
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist.
Never call a man a fool. Instead, borrow from him.
Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf.
Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
Never eat prunes when you're famished.
Never enough time, unless you're serving it.
Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please.
No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard.
Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.
Nobody ever goes there, it's too crowded. (Yogi Berra)
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
Nobody home but the lights, and they're out too.
Pardon me, waiter. I like my water diluted.
Politics: n. from Greek; "poli"-many; "tics"-ugly, bloodsucking parasites.
Santa, how much for the list of naughty girls?
Scratch here to reveal your prize ################
Sign seen on door: C I T Y P L A N N ING
Spam Lite: with meat products like these, who needs taglines?
The early worm deserves the bird.
The glass is half full--and what's in it has gone rancid.
The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.
There is a 70% probability of tomorrow. (actual weatherman quote. 1988)
These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
What if there were no hypothetical situations? (Andrew Kohlsmith)
When in doubt, do as doubters do.
When things look dark, hold your head high so it can rain up your nose. (Cathy Clare)
Why take life seriously? You're not coming out of it alive anyway!
Working in a McDonald's kitchen: one [beep]ing thing after another
...ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.
No comments:
Post a Comment