Sunday, October 16, 2005

"The Science of Governance"

This needs a wider circulation! Published in today's Toronto Sun.

Written by G. Mimms in Brampton. I only wish I could take credit for this one...

"A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science -- "governmentium."
It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called "morons" that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like subparticles called "peons."
Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected, however, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with.
A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it take days.

Governmentium has a normal half life of three years. It doesn't decay but "re-organizes," a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as, in the confusion, some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.
This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration, forming "critical morass." Researchers believe that with governmentium, the more you re- organize, the morass you cover."

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