Things that are ticking me off!

I'm feeling sort of punchy today. No real reason...or if there is one, I don't know what it is.

Ever wished that there could be one day of the year, just one little day, when you could, without punishment, tell people exactly what you think of them? Such is my recurring fantasy. That and living in the world of that classic Twilight Zone episode where somebody screams "SHUT UP!" at the top of their lungs, and everything freezes. I could do with a week or two in that world, and never you mind that missile caught in midflight when the world stops.

What I'd say to Teri Hatcher: You go, girl. Congratulations on finding the courage to come forward after more than thirty years. Too bad about that alleged victim whose suicide goaded you to action, though. But what the hell, she wasn't famous, right?

What I'd like to say to the media, who have been waxing poetic about Dana Reeve's death, or more specifically, the fact she died of lung cancer despite...oh my God! never smoking: Hello in there? Like lung cancer never existed before the cigarette?

Oh, and then there's the guy who filled our jugs at WaterSmart the other day. We have an account with them for one thousand litres. That cost $100.00, which is, I think you'll agree, a great price. Anyway, Eva walked in there with three of our jugs and found the proprietor drinking a bottle of Dasani. "Blasphemer!" said my wife, in jest. Then she had to explain what a "blasphemer" was. Don't you hate that...when you insult somebody and then have to explain it? Kind of robs the moment of its impact, doesn't it?
"Douche bag!"
"Huh?"
"That would be a small syringe with detachable nozzles, used for vaginal lavage and enemas. That's what I called you."
"Lavage?"
"Never mind."
After Eva explained that it's not a great idea for a guy to be drinking the competition's product in his own store--it implied a real lack of confidence in your own product--he had the gall to give her a dirty look. I'd like to tell that guy about two of the FM radio stations in this city. One of them is 95.7 CHYM, the other 105.3 CKDS, known for some odd reason as "KOOL-FM". You will never hear a DJ on CHYM use the word cool in any context, nor will anybody on KOOL say the word chime. It's like a Coke guy drinking Pepsi on the job...you can be fired for that.

How about those Mexican police? They've long been considered corrupt: now, with this ongoing murder investigation, they've proven how woefully incompetent they are. Way to inspire future tourist trade, guys.

And just because I'm really pee-ohed on behalf of a few people at work whose college diplomas may be in jeopardy, a big hearty string of swearwords to y'all. Ontario college teachers are on strike. They've turned down a contract that would have seen the best of them paid $94,000 a year. They work too much, you see. My heart pumps purple piss for them. D'ya have any idea how hard I'd work for $94,000 a year?

I'd better go to bed before I burst.