On my way out to a cottage with our friends Lisa and Craig and their boy Jake. This marks the middle of the "Big Vake" and the point at which I hope to get my most strenuous relaxing in. So before I go, I will shove all the mental clamor ("blog me! BLOG ME!!!" out and fire off this meme I found while trolling around the blogs of friends.
The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
At this point, any time the phone rings, it's a telemarketer. So the only answer, really, is "anyone who's not a telemarketer".
When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yes. I work at a grocery store. (I've worked at a variety of fast food outlets, too, therefore I always dump my tray, including the placemat. It's amazing how many either leave their crap on the table or dump the tray and make a point to leave the paper placemat. What, did you think they re-use those?)
In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Depends on my mood and the moods of people around me. If I'm feeling at all excluded, I'm as quiet as the grave. Otherwise I can't shut up. I've been trying to find that particular happy medium for years.
Do you take compliments well?
On the outside, yes. Internally, not always. My self-esteem isn't always where it should be, and I've noticed when it's down, trying to boost it often doesn't work.
Are you an active person?
Ha. Are tree stumps active?
If abandoned alone in the wilderness, do you survive?
Alone? Not a hope in hell. With my wife? You bet your ass. I'm actually writing a novel in dribs and drabs that sees us alone in the woods, surviving.
Do you like to ride horses?
Nope. Too big.
Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Cub camp, north of London--where I saw a kid fall off the first rung of a ladder leading to a treehouse, land on his back, and end up partially paralyzed. Navy League Cadet camp, right at the forks of the Thames in London, where somebody stuffed a dead fish in my sleeping bag. Ever wake up with a dead fish? Ugh.
What was your favorite game as a kid?
Varied through the years. A partial list would include Aggravation (board game), Crazy Eights and King's Corners (always played with my dad while camping), a card game my parents called Oh Shit, Cribbage, and a whole host of video games.
A sexy person is pursuing you, but you know that he/she is married, would you?
If I could convince my wife to give me permission--highly unlikely, but hey, this is a hypothetical and I'll play the fantasy card--maybe. She'd better have a sexy husband, too, though...why should I have all the fun?
Are you judgmental?
I try very hard not to be. Sometimes I can't help it. Wilful stupidity brings out the worst in me.
Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
I've never really been pursued. Every relationship I ever had, either I had to do most of the work, or we just kind of fell into it. I like pursuing, but I can't weigh it against something I've never experienced.
Use three words to describe yourself.
Stable; absent-minded; content.
If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
I'm about half-blind now as it is. I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about this. I'd rather be blind. Deafness would steal my music and force me to pay a lot more attention to my surroundings. I'd also have to learn sign language and that wouldn't go well.
Are you continuing your education?
Every day. But not formally. I've come to feel about formal education the way I feel about formal religion, that is to say, prickly.
Do you know how to shoot a gun?
And hit something? You're kidding, right?
If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you tried to save?
Not counting Tux, Streak and B.B--who are not things any more than I am a thing--well, I wouldn't try to save anything, actually. It can all be replaced.
How often do you read books?
Every single day without fail. I average a book a week. It used to be considerably higher before I decided to accept some adult responsibilities. My wife, however, manages to juggle more responsibilities than I'll ever have and still read a book every day and a half or so. It's merely impossible: no problem for her.
Do you think more about the past, present or future?
I could get all metaphysical on you and say there is only the Eternal Moment of Now, but I don't get that high in my thinking very often. I used to dwell in the past; now I spend a lot more time in the future.
What is your favorite children's book?
A Wrinkle In Time, Madeleine L'Engle.
How tall are you?
5'8", or 173 centimetres. I always wanted to be six feet tall: studies have shown that height opens doors and all you have to do is duck through them. But now that I'm as tall as I am, I don't give it much of a thought.
Where is your ideal house located?
At the end of a very long dead-end road, on a lake, somewhere in Northern Ontario.
Boxers, briefs, thongs, panties, or grannies?
I'm not going to discuss my thongs.
No, seriously, I'm actually kind of partial to a hybrid called 'boxer-briefs.' Boxers just seem like shorts to me and briefs are too short.
Last person you talked to?
My wife Eva, on her way out to get a(nother) tattoo.
Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Several times. They made me look ugly. Wait, maybe I am ugly.
When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
Many, many years ago. I can only wish there was one anywhere within an easy drive of here. Those breadsticks are to die for.
What are your keys on your key chain for?
Unlocking things, of course. What things? I have a key to the house, a key to the shed, and a key to the car. That's it. The number of keys on your keychain is supposed to be a status symbol. My status is simple, all right.
Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Do these meme writers assume everybody posts just before midnight? I will have gone to Wasaga Beach by the end of the day. That's two and a half hours away.
Where is your current pain at?
Asked and answered: she's out getting a tattoo. But I suspect when she sees this I'll have pains in untold places to report on.
(Just kidding, love: you're never a pain.)
Do you like mustard?
In very small quantities, on very few things.
Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Sleep, without question.
Do you look like your mom or dad?
Neither. Mom's a girl. Dad's older than I am.
How long does it take you in the shower?
To what? Oh, clean myself. I can do that in two minutes flat, but I like to spend about five minutes on either side just standing there in a bovine fashion letting water hit me.
Can you do a split?
In bowling, all too often. Physically? Yes, with the help of an assistant with a chainsaw.
What movie do you want to see right now?
There is NOTHING out right now I have the slightest interest in. I picked the wrong time to go on holidays, at least in that regard.
What did you do for New Year's?
I was awake to see it in this year. Can't think why. It's just another day.
Do you think "The Grudge" was scary?
Didn't see it. Somehow I doubt it. I can count the number of scary movies I've seen on one hand, and that's not for lack of trying. Most movies that purport to be frightening are only gory.
What was the cause of your last accident?
Some old lady bumped into us in early 2004. Middle of a snowstorm. Eva comes down a hill, stops at a traffic light, and the old lady comes up behind us with too much speed and
gives us a good tap. No damage was done. "I couldn't stop!" she said. "That's funny," replied Eva, "I did." When it became clear that browbeating the old crone could bring on a heart attack, my wife backed off and we drove away.
How much money do you have on you right now?
Zero. Does anybody actually carry cash dollars with them anymore? This is Canada: they could abolish money and most people wouldn't notice it was gone.
What are you drinking?
I'm about to go get a diet Nestea to get the taste of this awful pizza vurp out of my mouth. (Vurp: vomit-burp. Or did you not want to know that?)
Was your mom a cheerleader?
I'd really prefer not to speculate on that. Jesus, people! Cheerleaders are supposed to be sexy!
What's the last letter of your middle name?
Which one? My full name is Kenneth Cecil Joseph Breadner, and I'd like to go on the record and say I was a helpless baby when that 'Cecil' was inflicted upon me. I'm not the only one I know with two middle names. A friend of mine has three: Janet Alice Rose. Talk about not knowing what to name your kid.
Who did you vote for on American Idol?
Never seen so much as a minute of it. Same with Canadian Idol or anything else that belongs on the Reality Television Network. Yuck.
How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Lately, nine plus. Usually, it works out to just over seven.
Do you like Carebears?
Where do these questions come from? I have a freakin' penis, people!
What do you buy at the movies?
Almost always a large Diet Pepsi and a large popcorn with extra butter. Then a refill between the two movies we almost always see.
Do you know how to play poker?
Yup! Fun game to play in the middle of the night. Usually ends up in sex--oh, wait a second, you mean the card game. Nope, not a clue.
Do you wear your seat belt?
Without fail. Son-of-a-cop, of course I do!
What do you wear to bed?
Cover your eyes: n-o-t-h-i-n-g.
Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
If it did, I missed it.
How many meals do you eat a day?
Usually three, sometimes breakfast falls by the wayside.
Is your tongue pierced?
I blanch just looking at the question. Yowch. Why the hell would anybody drill a hole in their tongue! Sumbitch!
What's your favorite NFL team?
Uck, football. Don't know, don't care.
Do you like funny or serious people better?
I like people who are a cross between the two. Call them..."sunny." (Not "furious".)
Ever been to Vegas?
Someday, baby, someday...
Did you eat a cookie today?
There are cookies in the house? ... I'll be back...
...
...
...
asshole.
Do you use cuss words in other languages?
I'll occasionally use the word 'merde' but that's it. English has the best cusswords, you bet your fuckin' ass.
Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
Sssshhhh.
Do you hate chocolate?
Nope. Can't. Not when I'm married to a chocolatier of some renown.
What do you and your parents fight about the most?
We don't. Which is more than good, let me tell you.
Is anyone mad at or irritated with you right now?
No, I really don't thi---'Get off the goddamn computer!'...maybe.
Do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
Usually Christmas Day, although anything Eva and I buy for each other we end up opening well beforehand. Secrets just aren't our thing.
What's your favorite preparation for eggs?
H. No, wait, that's hemhorrhoids. Uh, scrambled. Or Easter.
If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be?
Novelist. Famous one.
Are you easy to get along with?
Over an evening or a couple of days, sure. Over a lifetime...only Eva's managed it so far.
What is your favorite time of day?
BEDTIME!!!!
Who was your best girlfriend/boyfriend?
Was, past tense? Her name was Cathy, and at her best she wasn't fit to be in the same room as my wife.
Who do you hate?
I'll keep the same answer as the guy I stole this from: People who hate.
Would you ever date your first love again?
No, not even if I was single. I'm still in touch with her, but I'm not attracted to her anymore.
Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
I have several friends who are girls, and a few friends who are boys.
Current mood?
Anticipating this weekend. Eagerly.
Tag: Flames and Jen!
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