Procter and Gamble do not have anything to do with the Church of Satan

Most of the questions I ask myself are trivial. Stupid, even. But they share one thing in common: they start with with word "why". No wonder: "Why" is the fifth W, the one usually forgotten. In a fast-paced world, it's the W most people seem to discount--after all, you often can't answer it in four words or less.
Last night, watching Hockey Night In Canada, I found myself wondering why do Montreal Canadiens fans chant that annoying "Ole, Ole" nonsense as if they're at a bullfight? I went so far as to check that out online, unsuccessfully.
Why are so many people, from so many places, anti-Semites?
Why do so many people, from so many places, have dragon myths? Flood myths?
Why do drivers in car commercials invaribly break speed limits and other traffic laws?
Why, why, why. Here's a big one:
Why is there so much bullshit floating around the Internet?
I'm not talking about spam. I know why that's there: because some people are evidently gullible enough to believe they can double the length of their penises, or that there's cash in Nigeria just waiting to make the trip overseas into their bank accounts. (Why people are that stupid is another question entirely, one that completely overwhelms the scope of this blog. I could write an encyclopaedia on human stupidity and label it Volume One.)
No...I'm talking about the email forwarded to you from your friends, people you know and trust. No antivirus program ever kacks at any of it, because it doesn't pose the slightest threat to your computer. It does, however, pose a significant threat to your wetware....your brain. Because it's bullshit.
Most of it's been in circulation a long, long time. Three times now I've been forwarded what purport to be shots of the space shuttle Columbia exploding, "taken from space." In reality, they are still shots from the movie Armageddon.
Probably eight or nine times I've been sent something saying that Bill Gates will personally pay me vast sums of money if only I forward his message to all my friends. "This was in U.S.A. TODAY!" the message screams. "IT'S REAL!!!"
Well, yes, it was in U.S.A. Today. In an article about Internet hoaxes. This particular hoax has been around in various forms since 1997. When in doubt, remember the edict popularized by Robert Heinlein....TANSTAAFL: There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.
I got one back in the summer stating Mars was going to make a spectacular close approach to Earth come the end of August: "closest approach...in recorded history" in fact. I would have been excited about this had I not seen the same message the previous two summers. (Strangely, I don't recall getting the email in 2003, when Mars actually did make its closest approach in sixty thousand years.)
Just got a long story claiming that both Captain Kangaroo and Mister Rogers won medals for bravery in WWII. Spent quite a while reading that one. It had all the earmarks of authenticity, and the story was expertly told. Too bad Bob Keeshan never served in wartime and Fred Rogers never served at all.
Glade Plug-Ins have never been linked to a fire. As of yet, at least, a kid hasn't died from a heroin overdose he got from being jabbed in the butt while playing in a McDonald's ball pit. Neiman-Marcus did not overcharge a customer for a cookie recipe; they didn't even market a cookie until they heard the rumour, and in any event that rumour's been circulating (with various companies cast as the bad guy) for over half a century. If somebody approaches you in a parking lot with a perfume sample, it's not sleepy gas. Likewise, there are no gangs "initiating" people by driving around with their lights off and then killing anyone who 'flashes' them.

I could go on for months. There are thousands of these emails going around. I don't like spam, but I'd rather have a mailbox stuffed with it than have to deal with even one of these READ THIS! IT'S TRUE! FORWARD TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW! messages.

Why am I so vehement about this? Several reasons.

One: I don't like being taken. And I have been: for many years I believed, for instance, that the Chevy Nova didn't sell well in Spain because no va in Spanish means "it doesn't go". (Actually, the Nova sold very well in many Spanish-speaking countries, and to this day a Nova brand of gasoline is sold in Mexico). I carry a lot of trivia around in my head, the better to start conversations with, and I really don't appreciate it when I'm wasting brainspace on false information.

Two: most of the "cautionary tales" that get bandied around are great sources of inspiration for budding psychos, of which our society has entirely too many. Some of the tales of murderous mayhem that show up in my mailbox are ingenious, albeit false.

Three, and most importantly, even the few nuggets of true and useful information are being compromised. Here's one example: it is strongly recommended that everyone with a cellphone should store emergency contact information in their address book under ICE (In Case of Emergency). This would allow hospital personnel to locate next of kin, for example: there is often no easy way to get this information otherwise. Lately, an email has been circulating which states that putting ICE in your address book will drain pay-as-you-go phones of their credit, or that it's the first stage of a virulent cell phone virus. NOT TRUE.

I would strongly encourage people, when they get an email they're not sure about, to check it out on Snopes.com. This is a compendium of pretty much every urban legend or alleged truth ever put in an email, and it's engrossing. I especially enjoy reading the "proven true" entries. If I needed another reason to hate Starbucks, I learned one today: they charged Ground Zero rescue workers $130.00 for three cases of water, and only acted to correct this after the story was sent around the Net.

At any rate, I urge everyone who values time and the truth to check out the veracity of the emails you get--and for the love of all you hold dear, don't forward bullshit around. There's too much of it already.