The Belinda Stronach/Tie Domi brouhaha is just the sort of thing I try not to concern myself with. I'm not a fan of people's messy divorces/alleged affairs/personal lives in general being broadcast the world over. But one has to admit it's fascinating playing sex degrees of separation with these people...they certainly do get around. Stronach's been linked to Bill Clinton (but then again, hasn't everyone?); she's also, famously, dated and dumped Peter Mackay (who himself was reported to have been acting like the Minister of Foreign Affairs he is, right, Condi?) And now her hands are Tied. Domi, meanwhile, is supposed to have had an affair with Tia Carrere, best known as the girl Mike Myers was besotted with in Wayne's World. No word on who else inhabits his sin bin. But his soon-to-be ex-wife Leeanne has made all manner of rather disturbing accusations. She alleges that Tie disconnected the family's security system in order to engage in "poolside trysts" unobserved. According to the media, Mr. Domi on more than one occasion outright lied to his wife regarding where he would be on a given evening, at least once being caught on television elsewhere. And he supposedly offered his wife quite a large sum of money to keep Belinda's name out of the public record.
I just don't get philanderers, particularly famous ones. Men, especially: women tend to conduct their extramarital affairs with a good deal more subtlety and nuance. But c'mon, Tie, did it never occur to you that your fire-hydrant physique and pugface is something of a camera magnet? That as a recently retired member of one of the most media-saturated sports teams on the planet, you could reasonably expect to be found out? Is any woman worth the mayhem you're now going through, not to mention the money this little indickretion's going to cost you? (Then again, Belinda's considerably richer than you are.)
I used to have some pity for married sports figures. It can't be as hard as being a married leading man in Hollywood: Tie was never required to simulate sex with somebody on the ice for the television cameras. But women throw themselves at you. There are a wide variety of motives. Cue the Eurythmics: some of them want to use you/ some of them want to be used by you/ some of them want to abuse you/ some of them want to be abused...
It's always best keeping those "Sweet Dreams" to yourself, especially if you've been married for 13 years and you have a couple of kids. But speaking as a man with a working sex drive, it gets hard. That's really the crux of it, right there...it gets hard, and in its hardness it seems to override your common sense.
The media coverage of this whole thing has been pretty banal. Most people seem to be playing pin-the-blame-on-Belinda, which is just plain goofy, in my opinion. I'm not the biggest Stronach fan in the world, but how is it that she's a homewrecker? What, did she put a gun to Tie's head and force him into it? I never really understood just how it is that women are always the homewreckers in these things. As a man, again one with a working sex drive, I find this notion more than a little insulting, like I'm nothing more than a giant cock on legs.
Even women--ones I've known, anyway--tend to believe this stuff. In previous relationships, I've had the following exchange more than once.
"I'm a little worried about Trixie."
"Nothing to worry about, hon, it's just lunch and she's just a friend. No more."
"Oh, I trust you. It's her I don't trust."
To which I've always bristled. Because, frankly, I don't care how nefarious Trixie's motives might be, if mine are pure.
My wife has tried to set me straight on this. Oh, Ken, you're so naive, she says. You have to remember: women are in competition with other women. You know how you think sexual thoughts about every girl you see? Well, us gals don't think like that. We think domestic thoughts about every guy we meet. We see a guy and his wife and even if we're not attracted to the guy, within seconds we've thought of five ways we can split them up. I'm better than she is, we think. If we are attracted to the guy, we just might use the things we've thought up--and sorry, love, but most of them really do have something to do with sex. You men are rather easily manipulated by that itsy-bitsy appendage between your legs.
Alas, daily coverage of affairs of the heart seems to prove her right. You say you're immune, she says. But suppose somebody offered to...and she goes on to name three closely-and-long-held fantasies of mine.
Then I'd come to you for permission.
And we have a good laugh. Because I'm not naive at all. I'm married.
And I'm not Tie Domi.
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