A Little Levity (But Not Much Brevity)

Since two of my friends have done this meme and I really don't feel like blogging on (a) hockey fights (tomorrow!) or (b) anything else of substance, I'll fire this off instead.


How tall are you barefoot?

173 cm (5'8")...I still remember one visit to Science North, back in my tween years, where my height was measured and fed into a computer and out spat a prediction that I would grow to six feet even. Even at that age--ten or eleven--I had read that height is destiny: men, in particular, who stand six feet or taller are generally more successful, more powerful, happier. Accordingly, I was prone to brooding in my teenage years when I failed to meet that target...until I figured out height and happiness need not have anything whatsoever to do with each other.

Have you ever flown first-class?

Never. I've only flown six times within living memory. In all honesty, I think I'd prefer first class train travel, or even a car trip (in something a little more comfortable than an Echo, mind you). I'm not entirely comfortable on planes. Every conceivable little luxury could surround me and I would fail to forget that, in Mike Warnke's words, I was in a hollow metal tube with wings under the command of a guy named Bob. I can tell myself all I want that flying is safe as houses and that even if my plane does crash I stand only a twelve percent chance of dying...and then I'd think of the clutter in my house and how it's not all that safe, and that other stat means only that I'd stand an 88 percent chance of serious injury. Uck.

One of your favorite books when you were a child?

Oh, so very many! You'd have to define childhood. I went through phases, starting with Little Golden Books and Wonder Books, moving through the Hardy Boys and a whole lot of Choose Your Own Adventure and Which Way? Books. But the first real fiction book I ever read still stands as one of my favourites: Madeleine L'Engle's A Wrinkle In Time.

A good restaurant in your city?

There are several. Now we have both a Mandarin and a King's Buffetin town, which makes up for years of horrible swill masquerading as Chinese food. For semi-upscale dining, nothing beats Golf's. But my all-time favourite place, the one I beg to go to any time a dinner out is contemplated, is called At The Crossroads. Yummy...and inexpensive.

What is your favorite small appliance?

Geez, that's a hard one. You kind of take that stuff for granted. Well, on the order of really small stuff, I'd nominate my Starfrit Little Beaver, which makes opening cans a damn sight easier. If it's gotta be something that plugs in, I'll go for my coffeemaker.

One person that never fails to make you laugh?

Eva's the facile (and true) answer here, but if you're looking for my taste in comedians, my top five would be:

Ron James
George Carlin
Bill Engvall
Nikki Payne
Robert Schimmel

(warning: the last two in particular are definitely for adults only.)

First LP you ever bought?

Y'know, I don't think I ever bought an LP with my own money in my life. Could be wrong there...I think I might have just cajoled my parents into buying Thriller (funny that: I'm one of the few I know who will admit to ever owning what stands as the second-biggest selling album of all time (The Eagles, Greatest Hits 1971-75 is #1). C'mon, people, 'fess up.
I know the first cassette I ever bought was the Ghostbusters soundtrack.

Do you do push-ups?

Pardon me while I break into hysterical fits of laughter. Anybody ever remember that Canadian Fitness Awards we used to be inflicted with in public school? There were six events at my school: push-ups, sit-ups, a 50-metre run, a shuttle-run, a standing long jump, and an endurance run. In all but the endurance run, I was forever saddled with little "Participation" pins. But I actually managed to get the "Award of Excellence" for endurance. As for push-ups, whatever the standard was to get a lowly bronze medal, it was beyond my ability.

What was one of your favorite games as a child?

Aggravation.

When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I've been asked that question many dozens of times in my life and have yet to come up with any sort of answer. When I was younger, it was because I thought of myself as a grownup from about the age of seven on. In my teens, it was because I genuinely had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. And a few years after I left home, I stopped answering variants of that question with occupations. (Notice how they never ask you what you want to do when you grow up?) If I had the wisdom as a child I have now, I would say one word: "loved."

Your favorite Soup of the Day?

Our first time at Golf's, above. Valentine's Day, several years ago. Something possessed me to order the cream of broccoli soup. I have no idea why I did it: I don't even like broccoli. Or at least I didn't until I had this. Now I'll order it if it's available. If not, I'm happy with French Onion (though Eva isn't, later); or clam chowder.

Have you ever met someone famous?

I have to stretch a bit here. I've served Elvis Stojko, at 7-Eleven, unknowingly. There exists a picture of a six-month-old Ken Breadner in Bobby Orr's arms...but you can't really say I met him either, can you? I've shaken hands and exchanged words with John McDermott, my favourite singer, but his fame is limited. Short answer: I don't think so.

Date Of Birth?

February 6, 1972

From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?

CFTR, 680 News, channel 958 if you're a Bell Expressvu customer: at some point, every TV in the house magically tunes itself to this channel, whereupon my put-upon wife will change them all back to The Nanny. (Cripes, must that show run 27 hours a day?)

Current worry?

None. It's the weekend, what have I possibly got to worry about?

Current hate?

The Toronto Maple Leafs, or more specifically, their damned inconsistency. One night world-beaters, the next night chumps. Okay, it's a love-hate relationship...they win tonight and all will be forgiven.

Favorite place to be?

Abed, in a big puppy-pile consisting of myself, my wife, Tux, and Georgia. Tux is the pillow, Georgia is the furnace, and Eva is the love.

Least favorite place to be?

Work, I guess, although it's actually not turning out too badly.

Do you consider yourself well organized?

Well, now, that's kind of personal. I'd really prefer not to discuss my organ in this forum...

No. I'm not. Not at all. Eva's the Fount of Organization for this household.

Do you believe in an afterlife?

Yes, I do. And I believe it works the same way life here does: it is what you make it.

Where do you think you will be in 10 Yrs?

Probably still right here. It's possible we'll have moved by then, but unlikely. Current plans are to move just once more, just before retirement.

Do you burn or tan?

Neither, if I can help it. Both are unhealthy.

Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future?

Personally, I'm an eternal optimist. Globally, I'm, well...Leonard Cohen once said "I think of a pessimist as someone who's always waiting for it to rain. And I feel soaked to the skin." That's my worldview in a nutshell.

What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid?

An entire catalogue of spooks, some of them rather esoteric. My grandmother's room divider, which I called an 'oom-dabadah'; a clock I called Harold that was full of beckers (black, stick-shift-shaped things that liked to eat boymeat); blue spruces; and whatever Nameless Thing hid in my bedroom closet.

What’s in your pockets right now?

Nothing at all. If I'm at home, there rarely is.

Last thing that made you laugh?

Georgia. She's part bulldog and she snots all over everything.

Worst injury you’ve ever had?

Broken my nose three times, had the odd sprains and strains...probably the worst pain I ever had was the time I just about drowned in the septic tank.

How many TVs do you own?

Four. One in our bedroom, one in the living room, one in the kitchen, and one in Eva's exercise room. Two on 680 News, two on The Nanny.

Best compliment received?

I'm wearing it. It's a ring that says 'Ken and Eva 10-14-00'

What leaves you speechless?

Reckless stupidity.

What is your favorite book?

Do I have to pick just one? Right now I'd say The Terror, by Dan Simmons...but there are about a hundred others I could have just as easily mentioned.

Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex?

Chicken and pasta.

What were you doing at 12 midnight last night?

Sitting at this computer, waiting for supper to digest so I could go to bed. That's standard Friday nights when I don't have to work the next morning.