Election Fallout

I'm back from two thirds of a parental tour, to find to my utter and total shock that we Canadians have gone and elected a Conservative minority government this time around. This government, so dramatically different from the one that had gone before, has promised to work with the Opposition to serve the interests of blah blah blah. Hey, Stevie, d'ya think maybe you could have tried that last month?

So--three hundred million bucks down the crapper. What have we learned?

--We have learned that Toronto the Self-Absorbed couldn't find its own self-interest with both hands and a CN Tower. I'm beyond puzzled with these people. It's increasingly obvious the Liberal leader could have been Paul Bernardo and it wouldn't have made a whit of difference: voting Liberal is an automatic Toronto reflex, like farting. Twenty two out of 24 ridings went for Dion...who promptly stepped down in shame. Now the Big Smoke finds itself without a seat at the table. Again. Mind you, since the table's NOS--North Of Steeles--it can't properly be said to exist.

--We've learned (unlike Jack Layton) that Jack Layton is a hell of a long way from campaigning for (let alone being) Prime Minister.

--We've learned, or been forcibly reminded, that the mere existence of the Bloc Quebecois really buggers up federal elections. Put their fifty seats back in play and we might have a different Parliament worth remarking upon. 

And it's such an easy problem to solve: simply make it mandatory for every party to run a candidate in every riding, nationwide.

--We've learned, once again, that the environment will always and forever suck the second banana when the economy's in a tailspin. I expected quite a bit better of the Greens, but didn't factor in a stock market implosion. Still, they managed seven percent of the vote (12.1% in my riding); give them a couple more election cycles.

--We've learned that Harper isn't half the master tactician he thought he was. Consider: he called the election (a) at a time of his choosing; when (b) the opposition party was next to broke and (c) his party was rollin' in it; when (D)ion begged Harper every day to green-shift the Liberals into oblivion; or (e) maybe Dion was saying something else...frankly, I couldn't understand a damned thing he said. Steve's One-Man-Band was flirting with majority numbers before he made that pathetic crack about Canadians caring more about their stock market portfolios than their jobs and homes. Even Dubya never said anything half so callous. And poof! Steve's dream evaporated. I wouldn't be overly surprised to see him replaced before the next election...are there any Red Tories left that can shove the Conservatives over the top?

--We've learned once again that negative advertising works. Dion didn't need any help being branded, but the Conservative spin machine was relentless and unusually cruel. The Liberals need, well, hell, they need a lot of things, but one of them is a leader who can give as good as he gets. I'd love to see Brian Tobin take Harper on. Whatever happened to him, anyway?

--We've learned that 41% of Canadians shit all over their civic duty. That's how many didn't vote, and I don't want to hear a word out of any of them, for however long this Parliament lasts.