Sexist B.S.

Reading the Globe and Mail today, I came across this little pile of bovine excrement disguised as an interview.

Perhaps I'm reading this wrong, but I couldn't help feeling offended at statements like "the way we men connect is by having sex. Period."

Well, go connect yourself. A hundred pumps, a tickle and a sneeze--no matter how good it feels--isn't all there is to "connection". Memo to those who might actually take this nitwit seriously: you can't stay copulated 24/7, so maybe there should be something else in the damn relationship. You think?

Actually, the first paragraph is what really caused the steam to rise out of my ears:

Steve Harvey has some advice for women: Scrap the flats for heels; ditch the T-shirt for lingerie in bed; make the kitchen your "friend;" leave the heavy lifting to a man, and never, ever utter the words "We need to talk.

Deconstructing:

--flats for heels. One of the first things I did when my relationship with my wife got serious was throw out all her high heels. I did this without her knowledge or consent. Why?

Want a list of things that high heels will ruin? Just start with your toes and work your way up. When you get to the neck, you can maybe stop. 

I'll be perfectly honest: if Eva had raised a high level of stink when she discovered I'd pitched her heeled shoes, I would have strongly reconsidered the relationship. Because a woman determined to hurt herself (especially for no good reason) poses certain relationship questions, you know what I mean?

Eva, I'm proud but not surprised to say, reacted with relief and gratitude.

"Ditch the T-shirt for lingerie in bed"

May I confess that I am completely incapable of understanding the appeal--or even the point--of lingerie?  Really, I've tried. If you're going to have sex, pretty much by definition the clothes have got to come off. I mean, even in my rampant rooster days I couldn't saw through silk. If it makes you feel good to wear the stuff, by all means, but don't do it on my account.

"Make the kitchen your 'friend'"

Sure. If you know how to cook. (Don't just say you know how to cook. I had a friend once who prided herself on her extensive knowledge of cooking. We went over there for dinner: the roast beef was ice-cold; she made her Yorkshire pudding in olive oil and then was surprised when she damn near burned her house down. If you don't know the smoke point of the oil you're using, consider ordering out. I'm just sayin'.)

Also if you enjoy cooking. If you don't, your food is going to taste like you don't, no matter how scrupulous you are about following the recipe. I'm lucky in that my wife both loves to cook and can prepare everything from a killer 28-ingredient meat loaf up to goat's anus tartare. I myself can burn (have burned) water. But if Eva hated to cook, I'd learn how.

"Leave the heavy lifting to a man"

Define "heavy lifting". I'll gladly lift anything I'm asked to or perform any task expected of me. But responsibilities in any relationship should be shared, or resentment will build inexorably.

Finally, the one that really pissed me off: "never, never utter the words 'we need to talk'". 

But you do. You do need to talk. Every day. Communication is the foundation of any relationship that has a chance. There shouldn't be anything taboo, as far as I'm concerned. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm constantly probing for every last detail...it just means that I'll follow a conversation anywhere it leads, for the sheer fun of talking with my wife.