Thursday, December 03, 2009

Tiger! Tiger!

bleeding bright
In the Escalade that night
What tumultuous downhill lie
Has forc'd thy infidelity?

(with apologies to Wm. Blake)

The jokes are out already. Some of them are pretty clever, actually.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

I've posted on this before. Admittedly, the "celebrity" in that case, one Tahir "Tie" Domi, was considerably further down the fame ladder than is Tiger Woods. Still, everything I said there applies here, only more so.

Once again, we are confronted with a "devoted husband and father", a man who has assumed godlike status to his fan base, caught behaving in an ungodly way. Once again, he seems surprised he was found out and upset that the media are making life difficult for him. Hello, Tiger? You're obscenely rich and famous, you're pretty damned photogenic, and what the hell were you thinking leaving your paramour's name in your cell phone? How was that supposed to end, hmm?

And sorry, no matter how many times you plead for privacy, you don't deserve it and you're not going to get it. You didn't exactly keep your marriage private, there, did you? How did you find yourself playing the wrong hole, Tiger? Couldn't keep the club in the bag, could you?

Don't get me wrong. I actually have some sympathy for Mr. Woods. Man, you think pug-ugly Tie Domi had women throwing themselves at him? I'm sure Tiger has to beat them off with, well, clubs. Sooner or later, little Tiger was going to bust out.)

And Elin knew it. Of course she did. Why else the prenup? You don't craft those things without knowing, on some level, you're going to get divorced. (My wife disagrees with me here: she believes Elin was--wisely, as it turns out--covering her ass-ets. That's as may be, but I still think those things are better named post-nuptial agreements. It takes a cynical mindset to be divvying up property before you've even tied the knot, is my view).

So Tiger's in daily marriage counselling. Interesting. I wonder if that ever crossed his mind before he strayed. Somehow I doubt it, and yes, I'm speaking from experience. Often you don't realize what you've got until you throw it away. I'd be exceeding surprised if Tiger's marriage lasts another five years.


Rocketstar said...

Tiger has a penis and men are only as faithful as thier options as Bill Maher once said. All men are programmed to spread thier seed and all men ahve a different ability to control that urge and as the amount of options a man has, the harder to fight that urge. Can you imaginie if you had tons of 'hot pussy' (apologies for the vulgar verbiage but if fits here I think) at your disposal all of the time?

As far as a pre-nup, I think it's not about knowing you are going to get divorced but it is about realizing that we are all human and at this point, 50% of us humans get divorced and then when you throw celebrity in there I am sure that % just skyrockets. I think Elin is being logical and reasonable.

I love your statement that why does Tiger expect privacy from us when he didn't provide his marriage the provacy it deserved by sticking his club in a different hole.

Wife said...

Thank you Rocketstar for giving another point of view on this one - and as for the vulgarity, I believe I said 'the man has pussy being thrown at him from cars'. I agree with you - if you have the kind of options that someone of Tigers status has, I think the temptation might just be too much. Mr Breadbin has a very different attitude on and of men than most for which I am both profoundly grateful, and very frustrated. It can be difficult to explain what people have come to accept as base human behaviour, but rewarding when he understands what the 'world' is talking about and is disgusted by the insanity of it all. It makes me feel less alone :)

Ken Breadner said...

Rocket, I'm going to do a post on what you just wrote and my response to it...for now I'll say I see where you're coming from and respectfully disagree. But then, as Wife so fondly points out, I'm bass-ackwards in my thinking...