Going Loonie, Toonie, Threenie (?)

I'm going through one of those periods at work that makes me wish I had another job. Preferably a no-job sort of job, requiring little of brain and nothing of body.

These periods crop up once or twice every year and they are mercifully brief. They tend to coincide with statutory holidays, Christmas and Easter being the two most likely. But every once in a while, for reasons known only to the know-nothing in Head Office, it's suddenly

frozen grocery/dairy time! frozen grocery/dairy time! frozen grocery/ dairy with a baseball bat!

Such would be this week. A small sampling of the stuff on sale:

Haagen-Dazs 264ml bars and 500ml tubs, $3 (regular $6.79)

I've only seen these at this price twice before...both times last year at different competing chains. We've never featured these at anything close to this retail before, and I'm at something of a loss. On the one hand, you're saving $3.79. On the other, it's a 500ml tub that realistically shouldn't cost much more than $3 every day. (They're $2.68 in the States, regular price.) So how well will it go? No clue. All I know is, anything I'm left with at the end of this sale--and the sale's over one day earlier than usual because of Canada Day--will be stuck in the freezer forever.

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!, 454g, $1 (regular $2.79)

This is another item the regular price of which is hideously inflated. But when it goes on sale for $1, we sell pallets of the stuff.

Burnac frozen fruit, 600g, $3 (not usually carried; regular retail $5.79)

This is a perennial favourite. Who'd buy frozen fruit in the middle of the summer? You'd be surprised. The blueberries in particular walk out of the store all by themselves.

Fruitopia/5-Alive/Nestea 1.89L, $1 (regular $2.69)

Next to chocolate milk, there is nothing in dairy that can hold a U-boat to this when it's on sale. Four years ago I went through 21.5 skids in one week. That's just shy of 13,000 units.

Stouffer's Red Box/Lean Cuisine/Spa/Crustini entrees, $2 (regular up to $4.19)

The problem here isn't sheer volume...school's out and the demand shouldn't be too intense. The problem is the sheer variety. There are 37 different skus of this stuff. In the past I've brought in just a selection of the best sellers, but every time I pull a stunt like that I catch hell from waaaaay too many customers looking for the Penne Primavera Obscura and whatever other flavours I leave out.

This is all bad enough. What makes it immeasurably worse is the lockdown cycle that's been in effect since May and goes right through this ad. There are dozens of items on sale in my two departments, some of them at very aggressive retails, absolutely none of which I have any room to display thanks to all the crazy sale items in the flyer.

And compounding the problem is my own stupidity with respect to two recent sales. I woefully overestimated the movement on orange juice and cheese bars, and am currently hung with two skids of each. It's this more than anything else that has me wishing for a sabbatical. I feel like I'm losing my touch. I've been doing this job for over nine years now, and you'd think I'd be able to guesstimate sales volume a little better than this. Apparently not.

Long story short, my cooler will be piled floor to ceiling, wall to wall and front to back. I will likely be using any additional space that I can find, for instance, this Breadbin. Maybe I'll put the margarine skids in here. I'll just -------> shove these words out of the way ---->

Wish me luck, everyone. I'm going to bloody well need it.