Frightening

click to enlarge--if you dare

The above is an actual resume submitted somewhere in Ottawa, as found on Reddit. 

It is disturbing and depressing. Terrifying, even.

After you've skimmed through this thing and noted the lowlights highlights, check out this person's education. He (I'm assuming it's a he; girls usually care a little more about how stupid they appear in public) claims to be in grade twelve. The final year of mandatory education in Ontario. I wonder what his future educational plans are. Does he want to perhaps major in seince? 

And in terms of future employment, the possibilities seem limitless. Government always has fileing to do, after all. Or he might just spend the rest of his life working at Tim hortians and hangging with his friends. 

I AM NOT BRAGGING when I say I knew how to spell every word in this resume by grade two, I distinctly recall getting in a heated argument with a classmate in second grade over how to spell the word "operation" (he was dead certain it was spelled o-p-e-r-a-s-h-u-n). The teacher had to intervene because I was actually offended that somebody would insist on spelling a word like that wrong. 

By fifth grade I was helping craft resumes for my Mom, resumes that were fairly effective. What I mean to say is that the above "resume" fills me with something very close to existential horror.

First, of course, there's the disturbing fact this person is almost finished with his schooling, yet he can't spell simple words. I've railed against this reality before: it has gotten to the point where I wish I was Conservative so I could simply ignore it. Not only is this 'creative' spelling allowed, I'm told it's actually encouraged. This is supposedly because (a) actual written communication is almost extinct and (b) spell-check systems are evolving to the point where soon everything you type will be automatically perfected. 

(Incidentally, how did this aspiring job-seeker miss the numerous red squiggly lines scattered throughout his masterpiece?)

I have two objections to this notion that correct and proper spelling is no longer necessary. One, autocorrect isn't anywhere near perfect, or even remotely competent. I can't understand for the life of me why people don't just turn this "feature" off. (Then again, I still don't really understand very much about texting in general, so ignore the old fogey behind the curtain.) And given the first objection, the second obtains: spelling things properly, along with using correct grammar, may not be strictly necessary anymore, but isn't it desirable? 

The very few times I have been caught out with some kind of error in a document I've made public, I have reacted with (internalized, of course) abject shame. I do not like to appear stupid. I always thought  this was a defining characteristic of humanity in general. But the older I get and the more examples of so-called 'professional' communication I run across, the more I realize that many people don't care how stupid they look. I do not understand this mindset. I am thoroughly incapable of assuming this mindset, and therefore I have no empathy whatsoever for the stupid people. This is, of course, a failing of mine, and I'll own it. But the people are still stupid, and I have no problem saying so.

Good God, man, if your spelling is that atrocious, get somebody else to write your resume! Then again, if you feel that 'hangging with friends' [sic] is something that belongs on a resume in any form, you need extensive remedial education before you can even think of working somewhere.