Proof I Am Not Human

is right here, folks.

Apparently the human hindbrain has three questions it cycles through: "Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Will it kill me?" This is why, we're told, people can't resist noticing food, sex, or danger. "It doesn't matter how hard you try not to notice these things..."

Well, I don't try not to notice these things. I just don't notice them.

FOOD

If I'm hungry, I'll make something to eat. Being "in the mood" for some kind of food has always puzzled me...I either like food or I don't, and again if I'm hungry, I'll select something from the 'like' column, preferably something easy to make. Beyond that, food is a non-issue. I don't live in a world where food drops from the sky: any food I happen to see outside this house belongs to someone else. I'm not going to steal it, so why would I notice it?

SEX

This is old territory for readers of this Breadbin. I don't notice attractive girls unless I have a reason to. Say, if one speaks to me. There are certain physical attributes I am attracted to--pale skin being a big one--but they are not even close to necessary for me to feel sexual attraction. For me, that attraction has always been from the inside out. The spiritual attraction is the most important: if you're some combination of happy, empathic and serene I'm going to home in on you. Then there's the mental attraction: if you're intelligent, I'll home in closer. Those two attractions make the physical attraction, for me. Have for as long as I can remember. I was amazed and more than little confused when I found out this was not how most people thought.

DANGER

What with my absentmindedness, missing danger has always been a concern of mine. I find it exceedingly odd, though, the example of 'danger' that's cited in that short article:

Do you moan about the fact that people are attracted by the gruesome, and yet find that you glance over too as you drive by?

Yes to the first question, an emphatic no to the second. Why would I want to see grue and gore? The danger has passed, the accident has happened. I'd really rather not gawk at it, and it stuns me that you human beings are drawn to things like that. It's all over your television sets, for instance.

There are times I really feel as if I am not human, and reading this article was one of them...