Poly. Wanna Whack Her.

Note to readers--I said, and I meant, that I will not be discussing our personal lives in this forum or any other, nor the personal lives of those whose lives we touch. But I am going to be writing some pieces on polyamory in general as time goes by, because (a) it's an important part of my identity and it (b) misunderstood, greatly, by quite a few people...as the article below will show.  You will not be able to infer anything about us from the general cases I present: don't bother trying. And I promise not to overwhelm you with this shiny new (old) toy, okay?
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How does bullshit like this get published? Let alone in one of the world's newspapers of record?

Julie Bindel does, to her credit, distinguish polyamory from polygamy fairly early in this incoherent pile of rubble. But she hastens to tell us that polyamory is merely a "co-opting and rebranding" of polygamy.

Which is utter tripe, wrong on so many levels it hurts the eyes. First and most critically, "poly" people are at least as often women who maintain multiple male relationships. There's no mention of this at all in here: it's taken as read that all polyamorous relationships consist of one alpha male maintaining a harem. If not against their will, at least against their better interests.

Unless, of course, it's a group of lesbians in a triad or a quad relationship. This, we're told, predated the patriarchal kind of 'polyamory' (no actual source backs this assertion up, probably because Bindel couldn't find one). That kind of 'poly' is okay: it's free of male taint. No mention of gay poly men at all--and yes, there are plenty of them.

Then I came to this:

..."despite the pronounced importance of gender equality to polyamorists", it is not unusual for men to be drawn to it because they believe that it will lead to sex with lots of women.

...and I grabbed my monitor and tried to ball it up like waste paper. You know what? It may not be unusual for men to be drawn to polyamory because they believe it will lead to sex with lots of women. But if they draw too close, they'll be thrown out so hard they'll bounce.

If you want sex with lots of women, you want the swinger community. Be warned: as a single male, you'll have a hell of a time breaking down that door. Even no-strings-attached sex carries with a certain code of conduct. Actually, swingers tend overwhelmingly to be conservative, middle or upper-middle class couples. For good reason: because single males in that environment are (rightfully)looked on with suspicion.

As they are in the poly community. Polyamory, real polyamory and not this fake construct Bindel's trying to build, is not about men--or women--looking for lots of sex.

Here's some proof.

Here's better proof.. You will note: of the seventy or so responses  to the question "why are you poly" as of this writing, NOT ONE of them says "because sexsexsexsexsex!" The top voted comment here (again as of this writing)--

I don't own my partners and they don't own me. What right do I have to put restrictions on who they can care for or have relationships with? What right do I have to impede their freedoms and autonomy? And what right do they have to impede mine? I want my partners to live their lives as fully and happily as possible. I don't want them to miss out on connections or experiences because of me. If they have an opportunity for growth or happiness - I want them to seize it. And they want the same for me.

--pretty much sums up the general mindset. No mention of sex in there at all. You can read it in, sure: it's not as if poly precludes sex. But it's certainly not the focus. Emotional intimacy is the key ingredient here. And if sex *is* included, it is *completely* consensual. Between all parties involved, not just the ones who may be having sex.

Which leads us to the conclusion of Bindel's screed, wherein she says, apropos of nothing at all, "let's not pretend it (polyamory) will bring on the revolution any time soon." "The revolution" is, she says, when "there is consent and equaity in every sexual encounter."  As if the existence of a poly community (or any other community) could somehow eliminate rape. As far as I can tell, most people aren't poly for the politics, whatever they are. Most people seem to have deceptively simple and extremely personal reasons to choose polyamory. As Bindel would well know if she'd have bothered to interview any actual poly people.