Paulina Gretzky's pregnant. The Great One is going to be a grandpa.
WHY IS THIS NEWS?
In my world, newspapers would not report the successful birth of human beings, let alone their successful conceptions, no matter how famous some relative of theirs might be. Paulina Gretzky is a DD-level Hollywood starlet; somehow I don't think she's the famous relative. Her father was a sports star of some repute, I understand. Big whoop. The achievement we're reporting here is accomplished every day by thousands and thousands of people worldwide. Some of them have fathers (and mothers) who were genuine heroes. Don't see their names in the papers, do you? Your little lump is going to be loved every bit as much as Paulina's will be, and isn't that what really matters?
I started racking my brain for exceptions to this rule and Eva immediately suggested royalty. William and Kate's ripening second kid may someday have some entirely ceremonial power by virtue of being distantly descended from people with absolute power...
(Yeah, I have a bit of a problem with the Divine Right of Kings, too.)
It all boils down to two precepts of mine:
1) we're all special, but none of us are inherently any more special than anyone else;
2) even the most public personality deserves her privacy.
Celebrities of whatever stripe are people. It sounds ridiculous, but I think this is often forgotten. I'm not even going to get into the nude photos leaking all over the place--the very topic, or rather, the ravenous appetite, disgusts me beyond all reason--the instant a celebrity comes off screen, or off the field, or whatever, she is "just" another person: special, of course, but no more special than you or I.
This is just like that impossible thing you say about not being attracted to bodies, right? You're a huge Toronto Maple Leaf fan. I bet if you met Phil Kessel, you'd be gobsmacked.
Nope.
Wouldn't even recognize him. Or any other Leaf. I know their names and their numbers and their stats, sure. The rest is irrelevant unless I somehow become friends with one of 'em. Isn't it?
The same holds true for Hollywood. There are actors and actresses I respect--some for their acting talent, sure, but I'm more likely to respect them for what they do off screen--
a-ha! so you do notice what famous people do in their downtime!
No, actually I try really hard not to. But the media covers these people like a blanket, and so every once in a while I'll see one of them deflect their celebrity to a higher cause. (No, I am not going to write about the aftermath of that speech!)
One of the most powerful passages I have ever read is the following:
Practice saying this ten times each day:
I LOVE SEX
I LOVE MONEY
I LOVE ME!
I LOVE MONEY
I LOVE ME!
· Here are some other things you are not supposed to love. Practice loving them:
POWER
GLORY
FAME
SUCCESS
WINNING
GLORY
FAME
SUCCESS
WINNING
THE ADULATION OF OTHERS
BEING BETTER
HAVING MORE
KNOWING HOW
BEING BETTER
HAVING MORE
KNOWING HOW
KNOWING WHY
· KNOW GOD
· Yet I tell you this: love, love, love, love the things you desire – for your love of them draws them to you.
· These things are the stuff of life. When you love them, you love life! When you declare that you desire them, you announce that you choose all the good that life has to offer!
· Yet do not choose sex instead of love, but as a celebration of it. And do not choose power over, but power with. And do not choose fame as and end in itself, but as a means to a larger end. And do not choose success at the expense of others, but as a tool with which to assist others. And do not choose winning at any cost, but winning that costs others nothing, and even brings them gain as well.
· Go ahead and choose the adulation of others – but see all others as beings upon which you can shower adulation, and do it!
· Go ahead and choose being better – but not better than others; rather, better than you were before.
· Go ahead and choose having more, but only so that you have more to give.
· And yes, choose “knowing how” and “knowing why” – so that you can share all knowledge with others.
· And by all means choose to know God. In fact, choose this first, and all else will follow.
(link to full text)
Fame, in our society, accords power. I think Emma Watson--and more than a few other celebrities--
choose "power with" rather than "power over"; these people have demonstrated that they use their fame towards a larger end. This, to me, is far more worthy of attention and respect than anything Watson or anyone else does in the course of their profession...and it's certainly more newsworthy than a marriage, a divorce, a birth, or fer cryin' out loud a conception.
------------------
DON'T TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR.
Don't even weasel-word between what you think I want to hear and the truth. This bullshit's everywhere and I'm perpetually battling it.
...We will keep your resume on file for future consideration...
ˆ
Not that I've had that one recently, but it came to mind. Has ANYBODY ever got a call out of the blue a year after they applied somewhere and got a letter like that in response? "Hello, sir? Yes, you submitted a resume to us on Novemberary the 33rd of last year and I just wanted to let you know that a position better matching your skills and qualifications has come available?"
Pshaw. Tell the truth. We will keep your resume in the circular file for future consideration as compost.
Actually, I'll go you one further with the job market: often, positions are posted pro forma. The desired candidate is already known before the job is posted, but you're not allowed to say this, for some reason: you have to go through this elaborate game of pretending to accept resumes from other people that you're not even going to look at. Who does that serve, exactly?
Thinking back to our failed adoption bid, we were told we weren't going to be allowed to adopt children because--I'll never forget this--"your house doesn't feel like a house with children in it".
(In other words, apparently you can't adopt kids unless you already have them.)
That fresh bullshit still rankles eight years later. It was obviously fake on at least two levels--one, of course our house "didn't feel like a house with kids in it" because there weren't kids in it at the time, and two, Tom the Friendly Social Worker cooked up all kinds of praise before he served us that plate of bile. "You two are extremely intelligent and quotable; I like your philosophy of childrearing; you're open to birth parents, you're extremely honest and forthcoming"...and on and on for about fifteen minutes: all the reasons we should have children, but...can't. It's bullshit and while I've mostly gotten over it, it recurs like acid reflux whenever I get to reflecting on topics like this.
I'm really weary of lovely words that prove to be nothing more than wind--promises that both parties know (or at least one of them should know) will never be kept, beautiful sentiments that will blow away if I make any effort to reciprocate. I heard such things many times this past summer; I never want to hear them again. Sadly, I'm sure I will, because society runs on them.
This conflicts with something I've written before and often about having no expectations, and I've had to amend that as I've grown up a little. I expect, and feel I have a right to, the truth... especially when it comes to people's feelings and intentions towards me. This is probably at least as naive as having no expectations at all, since we're all continually being told one truth and shown another...
(Wow. I wrote that more than eight years ago. Time's fun when you're having flies, said the anteater.)
I think now that there are certain minimal expectations I have of people, at least when they lay claim to me in some capacity. I expect to be paid by an employer. I expect a friend to make some effort to see me. That kind of thing. Reasonable? I think so.
The way I've come to define it is that if you want a relationship to last, both parties have to take for granted that it will. This is NOT the same as taking the relationship for granted.
Obviously, you can't take a relationship for granted. Relationships take work, on both sides. It doesn't feel like work when the relationship is close, because it's choices freely and joyfully made--but it is effort, at least. No, taking the fact of the relationship for granted is a different proposition entirely. It means that the thought of dissolving the relationship is not a valid thought. If both of you come at it from this angle, your friendship/marriage/what have you will most likely endure. The moment one of you stops taking the fact of the relationship for granted...it's probably doomed.
I like to know where I stand, even if you have to kick me to the ground to let me know. I'll crawl away licking my wounds, to be sure, but better to crawl away and stand another day.
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