Superiority Complex

Judgment. Dislike. Scorn. Pity.

All too common. All unworthy emotions. All of them necessary to people's illusions of their own superiority.

I touched a bit on judgment last post. I'd like to examine it a little more closely here, in the wake of having been judged myself and found wanting. Pardon me for a moment while I draw on some teachings from my (ack!) Christian days.

'Judge not that ye be not judged" is one of the most quoted passages in the Christian Bible. It's also one of the more misunderstood (in a Bible that is absolutely replete with misunderstood passages). If you run variations of 'judge' through a Bible search you will find that much of the Scriptures actually concern themselves with different sorts of judgment.  It's hard to square 1 Cor 2:15--"But he that is spiritual judgeth all things" with that exhortation not to judge...until you realize that once again, English is somewhat lacking when it comes to nuance. (Or such is my judgment.)
Of course judgments must be made--a world without judgment would be total anarchy; bad behaviour of any kind would go unpunished and good behaviour unrewarded, and that's just for starters.  But Christians are called to judge with discernment--to properly apply Christian 'best practices' to every judgment they make. It is here, in my view, that most of us--not just Christians--fall well short of the mark.

One of the things that drove me out of the church was the incessant superiority complex I found therein. I have since met a very few Christians who do not share it, but they are as rare as albino unicorn tears, in my experience. The man called Jesus forgave those who were murdering him, and that, again in my view, was as perfect an expression of love as ever you'll find. It's certainly not the prevailing mindset I have found in churches, where people are endlessly gossiped over, judged, and found wanting. Their shrill insistence that God did just this sort of thing was the final straw for me. I wanted no part of their God. I preferred the God I read about...the one who loves unconditionally.

Far be it from me to suggest this is a Christian trait. This is a human trait. (Though it did convince me that most Christians created their God in the image and likeness of Man.)  Only the most spiritually advanced people have learned to exempt themselves from it--and part of that exemption entails perfect understanding that the rest of us are--to switch religious gears here--not inferior, but only asleep.  The last time I saw that thought expressed, it went like this:

DO NOT BLAME THE ACORN FOR ITS NOT BEING AN OAK

I am still trying to remove all traces of judgment from my saying something or someone is 'immature'. It's hard to do for me because I often see such blatant disrespect for other people and other people's things. I always felt that respect of others and their things was very important, and so of course that made me superior--until I realized how little respect I had for myself , disrespect so total that it often included disrespect for those who cared about me. You want immaturity? I still wrestle with it.

None of us is perfect. Nor should we be. It is in the imperfections that we learn how to be human.

But everywhere I look, I see people striving not for self-betterment, but for perfection--perfection at the expense of others. While it's true that I see religious people dismissing us heathens because can't possibly be good without God, at least as frequently I see atheists and those of other bents (and I do not exclude myself, here) criticizing Christians for believing in what are so obviously fairy tales.

Guess what, folks...even those of us who fancy ourselves rational tend to have civil religions that shape our lives. One common one is the Faith of Eternal Progress. Another is Nationalism, most notably American Exceptionalism, which is in decline right now, though its decline is hard-fought. Environmentalism is another civil religion with many sects and schisms. If you don't see these as religions at all, you'd do well to read the essay I just linked.

We need to make sense of our world somehow. Different aspects of that world lend themselves to different sorts of examination.  When it comes to the people in the world, well, I have this to say:

How do we "use" people? One of the most pernicious ways is as tools to elevate our perception of ourselves. By heaping judgment, dislike, pity and scorn on other people, we take our minds off self-betterment in search of a perfection that can never be achieved, at least this side of death (if you're wont to believe that way). To truly love a person is to freely allow that person to hate you.

I have two rules I try to live by.

1) EVERYONE IS SPECIAL

Insofar as I can, I seek to make everyone who interacts with me feel just a little bit better for having done it. I fail at this, and often; when I fail, I try again unless my efforts are clearly unwelcome.

2) NOBODY IS ANY MORE SPECIAL THAN ANYONE ELSE.

This is a rule that feels almost unique to me, and yet I find it serves me well. You are no more or less deserving of love than I am; I am no more or less deserving of love than he is; he is no more or less deserving of love than she is. This can be very difficult to accept when you, or he, or she is serving up a heaping helping of hatred--and yet it's critical if you want to break the cycle of hatred that so easily can arise. Oh, and of course it must be seized upon and rigorously enforced when the person falling short of the ideal is me. I am special, yes--but no more special than anyone else.

Some words on pity. Like judgment vs. discernment, pity vs. compassion is a battle I fight every day. I think judgment and pity are self-focused whereas discernment and compassion are other-focused, and if you know me at all, you know which why I try to lean. I'm usually pretty good for erring on the side of compassion with others...but I am prone to self-pity, which is an ugly emotion indeed. It combines all the worst qualities of judgment (without discernment), ignorance and disrespect of self. (And if you can't respect yourself, you are incapable of respecting another).  It is important to respond to all of life's personal setbacks with compassion...but without pity. In other words: pick yourself up and try again. Try harder.  But if "harder" doesn't work...try different.