And there's one other reason: I'm really leery of making public announcements about things I intend to do. Because my intentions melt away, often remarkably quickly. My inherent laziness, lack of discipline and general aimlessness is thus shown to the world, and who wants to look too long at that? Not me, not you, not anyone.
However.
There is a cause and effect principle I have been ignoring in my (doomed) attempt to avoid life change. I've long known the principle: I've counselled it on many occasions. I've even written of it here at least once, at some point on the calendar far removed from New Year's, of course.
Quoting from a book I really need to re-read:
...Look at these two words:
REACTIVE
CREATIVE
Notice they are the same word. Only the "C" has been moved! When you "C" things correctly, you become Creative, rather than Reactive.
For all my protestations, I have been reactive, not creative, in my life this far. If someone had told me that, I'd have denied it, because I haven't really "acted' on anything at all. But not to react is a reaction...and more importantly, over the past year I have emotionally over-reacted to...almost everything. Good and bad. The highs were very high, the lows were very low, and I spent the last six months of 2014 trying to keep my mental boat from rocking.
Now that I've stabilized, I hope, it's time to stop reacting (actively or passively) and start creating.
How do I do that?
Constant awareness of my thoughts, my words, and my deeds. Sustained effort at a creative, rather than reactive mindset, An understanding that I can react to any moment...or I can create my own moment.
I enter 2015 as a blob without a job. Those two things are connected, of course--retail kept me fit without demanding undue effort (and if there's anything we know about Ken, it's that undue effort is not expended). But in the past seven months I have spent so much time wrestling my mind and spirit that I have utterly neglected my body.
I've made promises before to get fit. Reactive promises: "good God, look at the number on that scale, I have to do something about that." The problem, of course, is that I would then react to the pain of exercise (and whoever said exercise isn't painful was lying through her sweat). It's time to create a the next version of the grandest vision ever I had about who I am: and while I am not my body, my body is indeed part of me. The next version of me is fitter. He eats real food in sensible portions and he exercises. So be it.
I am going to have a new job in the new year, something that will be meaningful. I've identified a volunteer position I can use as a creative wellspring: more on that once I've taken those steps.
I will seek to create love, as I always have; I will seek to create meaning, as I always have; the difference is that I will do this consciously, creatively, rather than reactively.
I'm going to ask my good friends, here, to help me in these creative changes. It's not that I don't think I can do it alone...it's that I *know* I can't. I have faltered into reactive thinking all too easily in the past. Also, when I becomes we, the creative changes are magnified. If you have changes that align with mine, let's embark on them together. Get enough of us going on this, we'll change the world. At the very least, we'll change *our* world for the better. The ripple effect can only be positive.
Let's do this.
Love,
Ken
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