Aftermath

I would like to thank those people who have come forward with unqualified love and support for Eva and I in the wake of my last blog. Several folks have disclosed that they, too, suffer from mental illness and are medicated for it. It means a lot to both of us that we are not alone. Of course we knew that, but there is always a difference between knowing and experiencing.

Not everyone has been supportive, alas: there are people who don't believe in mental illness, or don't believe Eva lives with it, or that her situation is anything to be concerned about. That's fine: we expected that too. In the end, Eva chooses -- wisely, I think -- to heed the advice of the many qualified professionals treating her, complemented, and yes, at times superseded by her own knowledge of her own mind and body.

Answers to a few questions we have fielded:

1) There is no injectable version of the drug she takes, or anything similar. It would be great if there were, but there isn't.

2) Eva is taking dangerous levels of her drugs because of the malabsorption effect of the surgery. And this too much is not enough any more. She is strongly leaning towards discontinuing the medication...which is itself dangerous. Eva has already suffered discontinuation syndrome when her body stopped accepting her drug, and trust me, it wasn't pretty. Going off of it entirely is a frightening prospect. She has been told it may involve lengthy hospitalization in her case. But the alternative -- taking more than triple the recommended dosage and still not getting the proper effect -- is untenable.

It's not withdrawal in the sense of, say, kicking heroin: her drug is not addictive. It has to do with changes in brain chemistry. And in the case of her medication, missing a single dose can and does cause serious problems. Tapering very gradually is the only way to do this...and bear in mind again that as far as her body is concerned, she's not getting enough as it is right now. She's getting all the side effects you would expect with a near overdose, and very little of the actual "front" effects!

3) Would she have had the bariatric surgery if she had known this would be the end result? It's difficult to say at this point. You can't minimize -- ha ha -- the 200 or so pounds she has lost, the amazing amount of energy she gained (and will hopefully get again), the not having to take any insulin (after having been on a pretty high dose of that)...and numerous other positive effects. I shudder to think what her arthritis would be doing if she were still Eva-squared. She might be wheelchair-bound at this point.
So there are positives, lots of them, even still. And we choose to view this...situation...with her drugs as not a result, but a process. As I said when this first started to show..."it will be all right in the end. If it's not all right, it's not yet the end".

4) We will be careful. And we know, and appreciate more than you know, that there are many people who have our backs. Thank you to all of you. We love you so much.

Ken and Eva.