"Why do you write so many blogs about sex?"

The question came out of nowhere, after some completely unrelated topic and a few beats of silence.  I'm supposed to struggle for an answer, here, I thought, as I didn't. Without any discernible hesitation I replied

"I don't write about sex at all. I write about relationships a lot."

Of course, sexuality is a component of many relationships, and I won't shy away from that component. But you're not going to catch me writing erotica. Not in here, and likely not anywhere. Hey, the standard advice is to "write what you know", after all...

I thought a minute after the knee-jerk response, and said

"Because that's what people want to read about."

It's true. My readership numbers prove it. When I write about politics, next to nobody reads. When I write about hockey, fewer than nobody reads. If I write something personal, many people read it. And if it's about love and relationships, even more readers check in.

There are a few ways to spin that: people are nosey...they're waiting to see me crash and burn...my views on love are sufficiently different enough that people have no idea what's coming next...I'm interesting.

Hey, people can be nosey if they want to be. I put a lot of thought into writing in such a way that the content is very revealing without being revealing at all. I have no problem sharing anything and everything... until it involves someone else. The dichotomy can be tricky, but I've managed it well, I think, in two years of blogging on this.
Crashing and burning...I've had a couple of fender benders so far,  an ugly one two years ago resulting from a lack of communication, among other things, and this most recent one from a lack of control, among other things.  But if you're looking for the big one, with severed limbs and a nice car fire...I'd advise you to go look at someone else.  Each passing month this gets easier with practice. Those fender benders...Eva wasn't in the car, or even on the road, when they happened. No...she was driving the tow truck/ambulance. I'll come back to this point in a bit because it's important.

At this late date, people should have at least a broad idea of what's coming next. I have been nothing if not consistent and honest, and my convictions on love have, for me at least, both impeccable logic and raw emotional power behind them. I write these poly blogs  using the 'spiral' method, which means a lot of repetition but something new added each time. That's for two reasons: one, this is alien territory for most of my readers, and I don't think it's productive to sprint through it; two, with enough repetition people will hopefully eventually believe I'm serious about all this.

Am I interesting? On my good days, I think I might be. On my bad days, too, in the sense of that faux-Chinese curse. Certainly I'm different. I used to feel the need to defend my differences for my own peace of mind. Now I only defend them, when I do, for clarity's sake.

So that's yet another reason I write about polyamory: to clear up misconceptions. Misconceptions such as, oh, I don't know, that it's about sex.

I used to write more than my share of political blogs. My politics, generally, fit within a standard box: with a few exceptions, I'm comfortable saying I lean left. There are lots of people who share my views: for those people, seeing those views in print may provide a nice sense of recognition, but little else. Other people hold opposite views, and seeing mine might provoke thought, but will more likely provoke rage, nowadays. I've largely given up on politics, because trying to achieve consensus between two (or more) factions determined to shun any hint of it is just too mentally exhausting for me.

So scrub politics, except when I HAVE to get something out, as with that "Orlando" entry. What's left, in my world?

Retail, I suppose.

I have more than seventy pages invested in "Do You Work Here?", my memoir of life in retail. It's still sitting there and I can't think of a single thing to add to it beyond a scathing critique of the place I'm working now that would double the page count.

There is so MUCH I'd like to say here... For obvious reasons, I can't.

I will EAGERLY detail everything if my life ever finds me in a place where I can do so. But until then...

I've had some crazy things happen to me in my career--a customer threatened to set me on fire, five people have nonchalantly dropped trou and defecated in front of me, I've witnessed a fight between a man armed with a stop sign and another with a hockey stick, and so on--but my passion is gone, and without passion, trust me, writing is a chore.

Love and relationships, though...I have something reasonably unique to say there. And I'm passionate about it. .

More: I think it's something that needs to be said. In detail. In depth.

I try very hard to live by the maxim "Mine is not a better way; mine is merely another way." In the case of polyamory...I struggle with that, because I truly do believe there are many people who could seriously benefit from living a life of abundant love, if only they could learn how to do it. Otherwise sound couples with differing sex drives or styles, to be sure, but oh-oh, that's sex. Beyond the sex...well, love is love. More love can hardly be a BAD thing. Loving different loveable people for who they are can hardly be a BAD thing.

I had a conversation with a highly intelligent friend of mine yesterday in the wake of a little rejection that was hitting me unreasonably hard. We were talking about logic versus emotions.

Polyamory is logical. It's not just me who believes this: you will find a surprising number of poly people on the autism spectrum. People living with autism are logical to a fault.

But poly is also highly emotional, of course. In response to this from me --

I've tried to twist reason to support emotion every step of the way. Witness my logical arguments for polyamory, which most people can't consider for purely emotional reasons

he had this to say, and it's just what I needed to hear:

I do understand, but at the same time the abundant love is what people need today! The unconditional, abundant love that lets them know that they are not alone. I know they may reject it, but everyone in the world needs this, and needs to somehow attain this.

Polyamory is what some people would undoubtedly call a "high-risk, high-reward" lovestyle. That's if they could even acknowledge the "high-reward" half of that.

I don't even see it as high-risk anymore. It's been two years: not a lifetime, but long enough to show it works, I think. Besides, 'risk' is a value judgment I don't share. Risk of what? Marital dissolution? On what possible grounds? Think about that a minute. Why leave each other for someone else, when we have someone else(s)?

Eva and I are in this TOGETHER. We share each others' joys and heartaches, just as we do with the rest of life. Any partner of mine is important to her because she's important to me, and vice versa. That's part of the open heart business my metamour was marvelling at. Any love of hers becomes a love of mine. And vice versa. Any break-up (I really prefer either 'divergence' or 'transition') is mourned together.  We try very hard to minimize couple privilege
(long read, but worth it) by respecting all the relationships we have going. But we expect respect in return, because we are in this together.


This song, which has seen a resurgence in the wake of Orlando, pretty much sums it up. Love is "the only thing there's just too little of"...and only because people have been so thoroughly conditioned not to accept it. Hell, there are enough people who refuse to believe one person loves them. Two or more loves: completely inconceivable.

Which is too bad. Anything I can do to rectify that, I'm going to do. If I'm going to write a book that (a) sustains itself long enough to be finished and (b) I think people will genuinely want to read, this is going to be its topic. In the meantime...here I am, writing about love and relationships.

And sometimes sex.