Turkeys, turkeys everywhere, but not a one to buy

This week, at work, we're running a pretty hot ad.
The highlight of the ad, right there on the front page, is "Utility Turkeys" at $1 a pound.
Now, we knew this was doing to break down the doors. Especially once we heard that these turkeys were mostly in the 15-20 pound range, rather than the 24-plus pound range like we had on sale last year.
The flyer was supposed to state a limit of two per family per day. Thank God they forgot to put that in there. Because we put a limit of one per family per day on them right from the get-go. The NINE SKIDS we brought in for Saturday lasted us not quite five hours; we were out of stock by 1:00 p.m.
This wouldn't have presented too big a problem because replenishment was due in at 2:00. Except that truck showed up at 11:30 p.m., after we had closed for the day and LONG after the city bylaws allow us to accept deliveries.
Nevertheless, we shattered a store record for sales on Saturday. I can only imagine how much busier it would have been had we received our turkeys on time.
We ran out of stock again yesterday, Sunday. That's eighteen skids of turkeys in one weekend and we could have nearly doubled it.
The truck's late again today. And I damn near snapped.
I'd like to take this opportunity to say a few words about retailing from the retailer's perspective.

1) WE UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTRATION. Really, we do. You drove all the way from Moscow! You had to fill your gas tank 78 times! And then once you got here, you had to circle around the parking lot for fourteen and a half hours before you finally parked in the handicapped space like everyone else!
WE KNOW. We didn't drive anywhere near as far to get here, and we parked in the staff parking lot, but then we had to come in and face a myriad of people just like you.
2) WE DO NOT HAVE A TURKEY HATCHERY IN OUR BACK ROOM. I know--this is a shock, judging from the number of you who seemed to expect us to simply step into the back and emerge with a turkey just for you. Not only is there no turkey hatchery back there, there's also no grove of turkey trees; nor is there a Star-Trek style replicator that can assemble you a turkey on a subatomic level. There's no turkey mechanic back there building them. THERE ARE NO TURKEYS IN THE STORE. When one of us tells you this--after you missed the whole whack of signs we posted for our literate customers--asking another of us if there are any turkeys will not cause turkeys to suddenly appear. Asking us if we're SURE there are no turkeys, when you think about it, is just insane. We are absolutely positive there are no turkeys. We are more sure of this than we are of our own names, at this point.
3) WE DON'T ENJOY DEPRIVING YOU OF YOUR TURKEYS! We are a lot more frustrated that our truck is late than you can possibly be. You're here to buy one turkey. We're here to sell a thousand of them. I'm really sorry that we don't give rain checks: it's one of the ways we keep our prices down. Expecting us to pay for your gas is waaaaay out there, so please don't ask. Instead, pick up the phone and give us a call. We'll be more than happy to save you a trip in from Moscow.
4) WHY ARE WE SHORT OF TURKEYS?
Now we're getting somewhere.
We are short of turkeys because we can only fit so many skids in our freezer. Sure, we could have brought more turkeys in, but then they would have had to sit in the back room and the flyer would have more properly read "Botulism, $1.00/lb."
Would you really want to buy a turkey that had been sitting at room temperature for half a day? The health inspectors would have had a wee bit to say about that idea, don't you think?
The other reason we're out of turkeys right now is because our truck is late. Why is this? We don't know. They don't tell us. It just is. There's nothing we can say or do to get it here faster, a fact for which, believe me, we are deeply, deeply sorry.But I can assure you more turkeys are ordered and they will get here sooner or later. Again, give us a call. Please.
If all else fails and you can't get your turkey, I'd like you to remember that it is a turkey. It is not a million dollars. It is not a free trip to Hawaii. It's food. It's not a reason to call us fucking assholes. It''s not a reason to smash your cart into displays.

That is all.

Thank you.