If I had magical powers...
ONE PRODUCT I'D ELIMINATE:
Bottled water, in anything less than water-cooler-jug size.
Right off the bat, that'd make me mighty unpopular in these Tri-Cities: we consume more bottled water than any other area in Canada. One sip of our tap water will tell you why. But there are alternatives much more environmentally (and economically) friendly than those damned plastic bottles. I'm thinking Brita filters. Or water coolers.
ONE COMPANY I'D ELIMINATE:
Depends how selfish I'm feeling. On my do-the-world-a-favour days, it'd be Monsanto. On my do-myself-a-favour-days, it'd be a shady outfit called Universal Power. These guys come to my door at least every other week trying to sign me up for electricity at twice the rate I'm paying. No matter how many times they're rebuffed, they keep coming back. Sometimes they pretend they're from my legitimate energy supplier and ask to see my bill (at which point they'd get my account number and sign me over without my knowledge or consent.) If this practice isn't illegal, it should be.
ONE COMMERCIAL I'D ELIMINATE:
That effing Juicy Fruit jingle from my childhood's back, slightly cleaned up but as annoying as ever. The singsong used to go, in part,
take a sniff
pull it out
the taste is gonna move ya when ya pop it in your mouth...
...which is just sick, if you ask me.
Now...
it's a song
sing it loud
the taste is gonna move ya when ya pop it in your mouth...
The gum is a song? O....kay.
As usual with annoying commercials, this one's in heavy, heavy rotation. Personally, I think there oughta be a law: 100 showings of your commerical, that's it, you're done, back to the drawing board.
ONE TELEVISION SHOW I'D ELIMINATE:
Jon and Kate + 8.
Look, all so-called "reality" television nauseates me. This show is simply one I'm seizing on right now because it's in the news.
My parents had their family tree diagrammed out. It hung in our front hall for years. I distinctly remember different branches of that family producing parents with 12 and 14 children. Granted, never six at once, but still...I bet if you go back through your own family tree, you'll see this sort of thing was quite common only a century ago. Now, having eight kids makes you a celebrity. Not to mention every least whim those eight kids have is paid for at network expense.
Spare me.
ONE PHRASE I'D ELIMINATE:
"That's sick, man."
Ten years ago, if you wanted to say something was good, you said it was wicked. Now it's sick. I bet in another decade kids will be saying that's dead.
What's on your hit list?
2 comments:
For a company, Monsanto would be a great one, evil bastards, if people only knew what they are doing right now.
product... I'd eliminate self agrandising women hating rap music.
phrase... the double negative, "I didn't do nothing."
shows... Jon and Kate but you'd miss watching their marriage being torn apart by money, fame and 8 kids. The drama, I love it. They made their bed.
Rocketstar, they made a lot of things in their bed, good or bad.
As for my hit list, Universal Power is at the top of mine as well. I was almost floored when the guy at the door said I couldn't be educated enough because I didn't read his selected newspaper article that he shoved in my face.
I have a sign on my door now:
ATTENTION SOLICITORS. BEFORE YOU RING THE BELL, DO YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT? IF NOT, DON'T RING. YOU CAN ARRANGE FOR AN APPOINTMENT BY LEAVING ME YOUR CARD. IF I AM INTERESTED, I WILL CALL.
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