My School Confidential

First week down. Whew.

I can't tell you very much about where I'm working now. I can say that I'm working for arvato, a subsidiary of Bertelsmann, and that it's a call centre. That's really about it. There is a great deal of security because I am working with a great deal of sensitive and confidential information.

Even the training materials are strictly verboten to discuss -- I've had to take notes day after day and leave them in the classroom.

I've often heard people talking about forgetting information after studying it, and waking up the next morning "knowing nothing". I've never experienced this. Until this week, when it happened every day. Very disconcerting.

I've done something unprecedented in my life, something the Ken from even two years ago would have considered sheer folly. I quit a stable and secure job for another job unlike anything I've ever done before. That's stressful. If I don't make my probation in this new job, I'm sunk. Having information fall out of my head is therefore not exactly desirable.

By Wednesday, my eyes were falling shut by themselves. I went to bed Wednesday night at 5:30...yes, 5:30 in the evening. I slept for twelve hours. That has only happened once before.

Last night was another rough night because today was something akin to a midterm exam.

__________

I have evolved.

I've always been comfortable in a classroom setting.  Unfortunately, my preferred state in a classroom strongly resembles sleep--if I really want to pay attention to something, I will almost instinctively close my eyes. I think on some very deep-seated level, my mind treats my visual field as a distraction most of the time. Paying close visual attention to something is actually something of a challenge for me, and requires the dimming of my other senses. In a noisy environment, I am hopeless.

Here, I'm finding it easier somehow to absorb visual information--as long as the people around me aren't making a racket.

Another thing about me as I have always lived and breathed in class: I'm a strange mix of outspoken and shy. I tend to be engaged with the teacher and extremely reserved with my classmates.

But that's changing as my sense of myself changes. I'm not going to say that I'm making friends, exactly, but I'm actually talking to people, mentoring and being mentored, and feeling at home in a way I never did before, even though I've always excelled academically.

My test today: 89%. Panicked for nothing.

One week down. I think I can do this.